Jilted Lover's Purpose
by Irah
Summary: Emi finds herself falling for the two espadas who claim they're rivals. Not knowing who her heart desires more she isolate herself from the two. Grimmjow, on the contrary, fights for her love unknowingly choosing his own demise... Grimm/OC/Ulqui
1. One Last Time

**My Very first fanfic so bare with me ^_^**

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**Prologue**

**Grimmjow**

My vision was becoming blurry, and my chest felt heavier every time I inhaled an iota of air. I looked around me only to see part of her face, trying to clarify the liquid that continuously fell near my eye.

**_Dumbass she's crying_**.

The woman I love crying for **_me_**! I can never imagine that especially ever since she told me to forget about her! **_Oh_**! to put the cherry on top, she said she hated me! I thought of punching her on top of her head to tell her to shut up with the bull but now here she is, in hysterics for me; the man she "Hates".

I wanted to reach for her face and feel her warmth instead, only to endure a sharp pain that caused me to clench my teeth and drop my arm. As much as I wanted to shout what the hell was that! I was too weak to even speak. She seen the effort of my right hand reaching for her, resting my head on her lap she reached for my blood stained hand kissing my palm then cupping it to the side of her face.

Feeling the warmth of her gentle hands on the back of mines and her soft cheek in my palm; made me want to kiss her, but the pain in my chest would only handicap me. Instead I moved my thumb to the corner of her lips thinking about the nights she laid with me.

**_It would be nice to kiss those one last time_**.

Her tears streamed down her face; traveling across my hand as I tried to make clear of her image and trying my hardest to figure out what she was saying.

**_That's not helping_**.

Only muffled sounds was what I received. I moved my impaired vision to read her lips, the gesture didn't do much justice but from what I seen, her lips fixed to say the three words I longed to hear "I love you!"

I couldn't help the smirk that came across my face, even if it did hurt.

**_Always hiding your feelings_**….

Her fragrance embraces my nose as she pressed her velvet lips against mines for the last time.

I felt the need to close my eyes but fought with little power I had left.

She finished our kiss staring at me with those pleading silver eyes.

I looked at her, my eyes digesting her visage one last time before I saw black.

**_Hiding them till the very end this time huh_**…

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Let me know how you feel about it, it'll be much appreciated ^_^


	2. More Than Friends?

My first chapter of "A Jilted Lover's Purpose" so bare with me

* * *

**_Chapter 1_**

**More than Friends?**

**186 days earlier**

I waited by the entrance of Los Noches growing more and more impatient. I looked around the desert of Huenco Mundo only to see nothing distinctive in plain view, this caused me to grow even more annoyed.

After all she's the one who convinced me to go on this "friendship date" knowing I abstain from such foolery.

One hour an two minor sandstorms later, she shows up, waving whole heartedly like everything was okay. Little did she know I was going to let her have it.

"UL-QUI-OR-RA-SA-MA!"

Her enthusiastic voice abbreviated my name, she knew how much I disapproved of it and yet the frivolous woman didn't care.

I couldn't stop my eyes from observing her appearance though. She wore a white form fitting long sleeve shirt with little piece wrapping around both her index fingers on both sleeves. The shirt exposed her cleavage down past her toned stomach, the same for her back but stop just before her rear while her collar would always be flipped.

Her hakama was loose fitting with the sides cut off exposing part of her toned legs and connecting to her ankles. Her thick hair swung by her side as she always wore a long braid over her right shoulder leaving strands of hair dangle near her face, it's a rarity seeing her blonde highlighted locks loose but it was just as beautiful when it was.

**_Why does this fascinate me now_**?

Her voluptuous figure embraced me with a warm gesture clouding my vision of her wrong doings so far. She wrapped her arms around my waist resting her face into my shoulder. I stood there shocked at the action as she chuckled a bit grabbing my wrists at my sides and wrapping them around her shoulders.

"That's how it work," Reassuring me of the friendly touch.

It took me a moment to recover from the astonishment. "You're late," staring down at the 5'4 framed woman.

She departed from my chest but her arms were still around me. Her almond shaped eyes were wide looking into mines for a shorten time then she laughed.

**_Nice, her response is to laugh in my face_**.

My facial expression rarely changing so she didn't see how disrespected I felt.

She moved her arm to her shapely hip an one to her forehead, creating a statuesque form "Ahh relax a bit Ulquiorra," smiling now "this is our first friendship date so let us both enjoy this,"

As much as I wanted to disagree, she was right. I wouldn't want to spoil it for her too since she always followed me around.

"Shall we?" She bowed motioning me to move to a destination, a destination that we didn't have.

**_An estimable woman might I say_**.

She saw that I didn't move and just stared at her.

She walked by me, turning her focus to Huenco Mundo. "Shall we go?"

I didn't say anything as I stood behind her.

To my surprise she turned back and grabbed my wrist to walk with her, side-by-side.

It wasn't much of a friendship date but I commend her of the effort. It was more of her getting to know me instead.

As we walked, my wrist by my side now, she asked me questions: such as what was I doing before working under Aizen? And is there any facial expression that I do other than having an icy gaze? All of her questions went unanswered.

"Do you know what friends are?"

I looked at her from the corner of my eyes "Was that a serious question Emi?"

"FINALLY!" The ecstatic woman shouted. "I finally got a _response _out of you!"

I stared at her still, watching her put her hands behind her head smiling with her eyes closed after achieving a personal accomplishment of hers.

I can see that she was thinking of another question to ask me, but I decided to throw her off a bit. "Why do you smile so carelessly?"

She stopped in her tracks to look at me staring at her. She grabbed my wrist again; looking in my eyes. "Smile for me,"

I just stared at her; unmoved by what she desired from me.

"Come oooooooon" whining and stomping her feet in place "smile for me!"

**_I'm trying my best to woman_**.

She rubbed the back of her head "This is hopeless," she made one last attempt to get me to smile but no matter what she did I didn't.

After seeing her exertions go to waste she suggested that we go to the human world. I was against the action but she insisted anyway. She opened a garganta as I turned to walk back to Los Noches, not before second guessing myself. I turned back to see her walking in the portal without even stopping me to go with her.

**_What the hell_**.

I wanted to see what this trip would bring me.

We made it to the colorful scenery; tasting the freshness of the Indian-summer air that brushes past us as we float above the outskirts of what is known as Karakura Town.

I looked out the corner of my eyes at the frolicsome woman again to see her stretching; taking in a gust of air an blatantly exhaling with that playful smile. "Just in time," both of her hands on her hip.

**_I never saw a spirited woman like her before, almost like a wonder to me._**

My thoughts were soon interrupted by the thoughts of arriving in the human world without being attacked. "Why aren't the shinigami attacking us?"

Emi stopped her gaze at the city and gawked at me. "So you were looking for a fight after all..."

I guess it put her at ease to know that I actually was.

"I wouldn't bring the fourth espada here without a plan,"

**_So she did plan this far ahead_.**

"I picked up a trait….which Is more of a hobby than a trait I guess," She turned her focus to the sun setting behind the mountains, leaving the horizon glowing with different hues of orange an pink. She took in the image before concluding what she started to say. "I can lower my spiritual pressure and those who I desire, basically we can make it here…in the human world….our whole lives without being detected,"

**_I see now._**

"Now," her finger tapping on her bottom lip again, "where should we go," moving her free hand to her hip.

I found it adorable the gestures she did when she was in thought.

"Ahh the beach!" finally coming to a decision and a destination for that matter.

"The beach?"

She came close to my face as I stared at her, "You don't know what the beach is?"

"Don't be silly woman, I know what the beach is, I was asking as in _why_ go to the beach?"

She looked to the sunset again. "It's such a beautiful scenery," Turning her silver eyes back to me, "I wouldn't want it to go to waste." With that being said she made her way to the journey's end as I followed behind.

I can tell by the way she flew this was something she enjoyed most, the freedom. She closed her eyes letting the wind caress her oval face, blowing through pieces of her hair she left out of the long braid.

As we made our way: she flew circles around me, making patterns through the clouds around me, and even bumped into me. She's like a child and it's becoming annoying.

We finally made it to the vacant beach and the sun was still setting.

She dropped just above the sandy flooring only to collapse, spreading out on her back. I landed on my feet looking at the over excited woman.

Folding her arms behind her head and closing her eyes, I decided to have a seat next to her.

The scenery before us was breathtaking. The water flowed in gracefully, creating different patterns against the already wet sand. The reflection of the sun and the sky made the water stunningly open, as if you lunged into it you'll be in a different space.

"Ulquiorra," opening her eyes now "Why don't you ever speak about yourself?"

The question caught me off guard as I stared at the exquisite scenery before me. "What is there to know about me?"

She sat up using the support of her arms. "You're a deep character and have a mystic personality, something I took a liking too," taking her gaze off the sun an putting her eyes on me. "I want to know more than there is to know about you,"

"Really?" Not much emotion in my voice.

"But it's okay If you don't want me to know anything about you, I don't want you to feel forced," looking at the reflection of the sun in the water. "your presence here is just enough for me," she smiled.

**_Is that so_**?

She went on the explore the beach as I sat and watched her. She found what looked like a shell. She gasped my name and moved her hand instantaneously motioning me to come over an take a look.

I got up an met her half way.

"There's an actual shell fish in here!"

I looked down to see the squirmy critter moving in the cramped shell

**_Disgusting_**.

After she was done examing the small monstrosity; she placed the sea creature back where she got it, only to stare into the water.

Her hands were slowly traveling to take off her shirt, it was halfway above her chest exposing the dash tattoo next to her stomach, until she turned to see me. Her cheeks turned red as she fixed herself.

"I-I forgot you were here for a minute…a-and…I couldn't control the urge…I was going to go swimming," her thoughts ran rapid.

I smirked as she patted her red cheeks trying to get them back to their normal color.

We walked along the shore after the incident. She told me how she loved the beach an It was a nostalgic feeling about it, something that drew her in.

"I was from a village that lived near the water so I guess that's why I feel so attached to it," she looked to where she walked smiling.

I stared at her still and she caught my gaze.

She blushed again "Why do you stare at me like that?"

"Your eyes are intriguing," turning my focus to where I walked.

She halted and I heard the patting on her cheeks. Few seconds later she recovered and caught up to me.

We stayed at the beach for an hour talking, mostly her, and exploring as the sun was almost gone leaving the moon to take over.

"Shall we get going?" She looked to me, "The sun is almost gone,"

I knew she didn't want to ask me that but I suppose she did it out of courtesy. "Yes, we don't want to raise any suspicion about being here,"

I opened the garganta and walked in as she took one last look at the sun disappearing behind the mountains.

Her mood changed drastically as we arrived in Huenco Mundo. It was dead here, a place that wasn't fit for a free-spirited woman like herself.

Not knowing much about consoling someone when they're down I spoke, "We should do this again sometime,"

She turned to face me with a light in her eyes. "Yes, we should!"

At least she had something to look forward to, and to my surprise I was looking forward to it too.

We made our way into the insipid castle as she broke the silence between us. "Your company is a joy to have around believe it or not,"

I turned my gaze to look at her. Her words touched me although I didn't show it.

"Even though this is our first friendship date together, I felt like I knew you before even if you didn't say much," She looked at me blushing, "It's something about your aura and to be honest this friendship date felt more tha-"

"I see you two love birds returned from who-knows-where!" the arrogant sixth espada interrupting Emi as she was about to confess.

**_Bastard_**.

Emi's eyes were wide but she instantly started laughing as me and Grimmjow stared at her.

Holding her stomach, "Me and Ulquiorra are just friends,"

_**Stating the obvious?**_

Even though I tried to deny it, I felt something more than friends.

"And besides why am I even explaining myself to you?" Her hands behind her head now.

Grimmjow grew quiet. It was evident he wanted Emi, he just had too much pride to admit it or show it, especially in front of me.

He walked between us; his hands in his pocket making his way to training grounds.

I turned my gaze to Emi as she stared at the back of the sixth esapada who made his way out. She turned to catch eye contact with me and blushed again.

"STOP DOING THAT!" she patted her cheeks again "your eyes are intimidating enough!"

Paying no attention to her soundly yet soft voice "Like I said," walking down the hall, "your eyes are interesting."

Her patting got quicker. "U-u-um….where are you going to now?"

"Going to my section,"

"O-oh okay well it was a pleasure that you actually came on this friend date with me, I never thought you would go through with it," rubbing her cheeks.

**_Was it really a "friend date"_**?

"Im a man of my word," shaking the thought out of my head.

She mumbled under her breathe "A man that takes a lot of convincing," but I heard her clearly.

We walked to the end of the hall where we go our separate ways.

She gave me another warm embrace against my cold body.

This one was longer than the one earlier

"It's called a hug," she softly spoke into my shoulder.

I wrapped my arms around her waist, resting them on the middle of her back, where her hair tickled the back of my hand.

She unwrapped her arms lastly touching my hands before she walked away to Halibel section.

I put my hands back in my pockets watching her luscious figure disappear into the right side of the hall.

Not showing any emotion was something natural for me but I felt at ease. She was all I could think about tonight and I found nothing wrong about it.

**_Friends_?**


	3. Desire

**Chapter 2**

**Next Day (185)**

Appaci came to my room knocking softly for fear that she might wake up the kraken after the last incident we had from her waking me up.

That was one thing I hate, is to be disturbed while I'm sleeping and everyone in Los Noches knew that.

I came close to chopping her head off with my double headed scythe that I rarely used.

That was another thing I was known for, my zanpakuto.

I hated it; it contradicts what I am against. The aura I get from it was nothing but death.

I prefer hand-to-hand combat over using my body length weapon but whenever I wield it, it wouldn't feel like it was me. I would have to control the urge to rip someone apart, I even went as far as to transforming into my resurrection form against my will but I was stopped by Starrk.

Starrk and Halibel were the only ones to stop my rampage, and I don't know why it was only them two.

_**And that's all I would remember**_.

I had no reconciling of my zanpakuto, I would forever hate it.

My attitude was second runner up against Grimmjow's. Even though I hate to admit it, it is true. My attitude is the worst especially after getting up from a well-deserved sleep.

"What?" groggily answering the knock that Appaci laid on my door.

"Emi! Get up lazy ass!" she shouted from behind the door

I fought the urge to throw my zanpakuto at the door and instead I stuffed my face under my pillow and shouted, "Go away!"

I know it's late, but my body was tired from all the training I did earlier but Appaci made it very clear that she wasn't leaving until I got out of my bed.

After two knocks, three hard kicks, an name calling from Mira-rose and Sung-sun in the background; I was up and pissed.

If it wasn't my freedom then it was sleep that I valued. I could sleep the whole day; if I had the chance.

With one kick, the door flew into the white wall across from my room, leaving the indent of its structure. Shocking my three comrades that I was about to annihilate.

Clenching my fist tightly and smiling, "Which one of you bitches disturbed my beauty rest?"

Appaci, Mila, and Sung-sun grabbed each other as I made my way, slowly walking towards them.

I blacked out.

Screams and obliterated walls consumed what was left of the hall. I felt my eyes were still open but I couldn't see anything which caused me to go berserk out of frustration.

I heard numerous foot-steps running towards the scene that I caused. Hearing murmurs about how vicious I looked as Appaci, Mila, and Sung-sun, were under my bare feet.

One fraccion went on to say "Just another one of her attitu-"before I felt his collar in my grip.

My face turns into a smile, "What was it that you were saying?"

The man was scared to death, not only did I look menacing but he knew I can crush him. Not a peep escaped his shivering lips.

"I thought so," throwing him to the floor.

I calmed down a bit and my vision came back. I turned to walk back to my door-less room and the path was cleared as I am the force no one would reckon with now.

I didn't care if I was in nothing but a shirt that only covered my lady parts; I was still heated at the situation.

_**This could've been avoided but they always want to get under my skin.**_

I sighed. _**I really need to control my anger.**_

I went in my bathroom to grab my towel and tooth brush then exited out of my room again as the crowd jumped back.

As bad as it was I liked this attention; I'm the beast they were scared of.

The crowd cleared the path before me as I made my way to Halibel room.

As I was in the clear I turned to see the focus of the crowd on the three women that lay unconscious near my room.

_**That'll teach em**_.

I made it to Halibel room; seeing no sign of her I made my way through her unusually huge white an gold bed room to the hot spring across from her bed.

I opened the bamboo door to what looked like a mystical palace. The water flowed off a rock into a waterfall on the second level into the hot spring as it was covered with grass an delicately green and purple colored flowers.

The spring was like another room in size. The bamboo trees hung over the steamy pool of water, aligning perfectly against the wall of the spring.

I took my shirt off in one swift action and dived in head first off the rock. I didn't think the spring would have a deep end but thankfully it did.

The temperature was just right and the steam eased all of my four senses. I dived my head back to massage my scalp in the relaxing water.

I sighed in relief, "This is what I'm talking about!"

I stayed in the water until my fingers tips turned into raisins. I dried my hair before getting out then wrapping the pink fabric around me as I went to brush my teeth. It was a medium size towel which only covered my breast and the lower half of my body, leaving a long slit on my side.

Sighing again at the length; I cursed myself as well.

_**This'll just have to do.**_

As I walked to my room I saw the same privaron espada that fixed everything else I destroyed, fixing around my door.

I felt bad.

"Um," still dripping wet, I grabbed the top of my towel with my free hand to keep it from falling, "do you need any help?"

He looked at me and he started to bleed from his nose, his face quickly changed to a smile.

"Hey," concerned about the demoted arrancar now, "you're bleeding,"

He covered his nose and insisted that I continue about my business.

I laughed a bit as I expected him to look at me the way he did.

_**I tried.**_

"That's a man job anyway," the sixth espada mentioned; walking behind me.

"Well," A sarcastic smile appeared on my face, "Aren't you a lovely sight to see,"

"Spare me," stopping right in front of me, looking down at me, "I heard you had another one of your episodes this morning, too bad it wasn't with me, it would have been an honor to face someone as lovely as you,"

We both stared at each other, a silence between us, and then laughter filled the air around us.

"Be…more….original," saying in between laughs.

"Yeah, whatever,"

I knew Grimmjow didn't come here on laughing matters; it wasn't in his nature unless he's beating someone to a pulp.

I sighed holding my cramped stomach from laughter, "I could never see you saying the words 'honor' and 'Lovely' in the same sentence, or at all for that matter!" I wiped the tear from my eye, "what a shocker,"

He smirked, "Got any plans today?"

_**Straight to it huh….I admire that**_…

"Umm not really, but I was going over to Ulquiorras section, just hang with him for a little while," rubbing the back of my head and my hand on my nude hip.

He wanted to cringe at what I said but he kept a passive attitude.

"Well," turning the nob on my new door, "It was nice chatting with you but it must be hard looking at me like this," taunting him.

"Don't get conceited woman," He walked by me staring at me from the corner of his eyes, "You're not my type,"

_**Hmm?**_

I laughed, "You're not a very good liar Mr. Jaegerjaques," looking at his back now, reading him, "I'm enough woman to handle you,"

"Keep dreaming," responding while putting his hands in his pocket.

I was almost through my door after I let out one last gibe, "Of you, I def will,"

I knew he hated when I flirted with him, in fact I know he despised me for it, but his attitude makes him a great target for my flirty jests.

Meanwhile I made my way in the new door throwing off my towel. I love being nude it was another form of freedom for me.

_**I wonder what Ulquiorra is up too.**_ I smiled at the thought.

I quickly got dressed; making my way to exit the new door before I stopped to look at my zanpakuto.

_**Na I don't need it.**_

I made my way to Ulquiorra section braiding my hair like the usual as I walked, greeting and running into new an old faces.

His room wasn't that far since I used sonido the whole way.

I stopped at his door hesitant to walk in, but I barged in anyway. Singing his name, "Ulquior-"

_**Oh my.**_

He was in the middle of getting dressed; only thing he was missing was his jacket as his hakama made their way on his waist.

**_If only i was three seconds_ _earlier._**

I couldn't help my eyes as they hungrily stared at his lean chiseled frame.

_**So that's the body I felt**_?

He was toned to the max and I felt my cheeks turn a bright red.

_**What a gorgeous body.**_

It took me all that I had not to squeal over the excitement I felt in a place I shouldn't have felt.

I mean yea when I look at Grimmjow his body is nice too but to see Ulquiorra like this, felt like a sin.

My eyes went from down to up only to see his icy gaze. I turned my body to face the door tightly shutting my eyes. "S-sumimasen!"

He thrust his jacket on then buttoned it across his masculine chest, "No need to apologize, it was something you wanted to see,"

_**It was.**_

"All you had to do was ask," finishing buttoning his last button.

_**Liar.**_

I turned back to face him as my cheeks were back to normal, "Well now that I know that much I'll be sure to next time," I walked over to him wrapping my arms around his waist closing my eyes as he smelled like a mint tea.

_**He smells so good.**_

He wrapped his arms around me; not wanting him to ever let go.

I will admit that I do feel something more and more by the day when I'm around him. It's long overdue for a kiss at this point.

"Where to today?" he spoke in my hair.

I wanted to say the human world again, but I know that it'll be pushing it.

"It doesn't matter, your presen-"jumping back and catching myself before I confessed, "I mean where ever you want to go," forcing a smile on my face.

_**That was real obvious Emi! Good job idiot!**_

He just looked at me.

_**His eyes can be frightening sometimes**_

"Let's go to the carnival," still staring at me, "I'm sure you seen it when we went to the beach yesterday,"

_**He amazes me every time.**_

I fought back the urge to pounce on him, because I still had a lot of living to do and didn't want to die just yet.

I chuckled. "Yes, that sounds great,"

"Wasn't the reaction I thought I would get," he walked by me to the door, "I thought you would've been a little bit more excited than you are now,"

_**I ammmmmm!**_

"We're just going to the carnival," I shrugged like it was nothing.

He stared at me before opening the door, "I see..."

We made our way out of Los Noches to Huenco Mundo. The same spot we used to open the garganta yesterday.

We made it to our destination. The moon was bright encasing everything with its luminous glow.

It was kind of chilly but nothing major.

I saw the bright decorative lights of the carnival as the big wheel spun in place.

Without further ado I flew to the place like a bullet forgetting Ulquiorra. I stopped in mid air when I realized he was behind me, I turned to look back only to see him at my side. Looking at me.

"That was the reaction I was hoping for,"

_**He's so calm.**_

I smiled, "You know me too well,"

We made it to the joyous place. I felt like a kid in a candy store as my smile never weakened.

I looked around me to see the lights, the people, the rollercoaster rides.

_**Why do I find these things enjoyable?**_

Ulquiorra just looked at me and I looked at him, the desire to kiss didn't regress; simply being around him only enhanced deepest aspiration.

_**Stop...**_

I turned my vision to the carousel, then to the large teddy bear that was hung behind a counter that had clown heads lined up at the bottom of it. What was facing them looked to be water guns.

I squealed when I saw the large crisp white bear with a pink ribbon elegantly wrapped around its neck; me and the brown headed little girl next to me.

She ran over to the stand handing the man little pieces of pink paper that had the word **Ticket** written in bold letters.

I looked back at Ulquiorra who was bumped by a huge man eating cotton candy, Ulquiorra didn't budge as the man almost lost his arm.

Ulquiorra lifted his hand, forming a cero just before I stopped him.

I couldn't help the laugh that escaped me.

He turned his icy gaze to me, "Why do you laugh?" airily annoyed.

I rested my forehead on his chest, "That would be unfair,"

The man turned to look where we stood only to see an empty space in the crowd, scratched his head an shrugged it off.

"They can't see us and for him to be blown to bits would be unusual,"

I can tell he was still exasperated by the man and my actions, but he lowered his hand.

Turning my focus back to the little girl, she was going against three other contestants. An older man looked to be about his late 30's, another little girl with black shoulder length hair, and a teenage girl who were surrounded by her friends the same age as her.

I found myself rooting for the brown haired toddler, only to hear an unpleasantly loud and noisy bell go off where the other small girl won.

The little brown haired girl turned to get off the stool looking at the other little girl who claimed her prize, a freaking soccer ball.

The brown haired little girl, rubbing her eyes with a smile as if she wasn't crying, walked back to her concerned parents right away.

I looked back to Ulquiorra who shakes his head in a "no" motion; I couldn't help it as I darted to the white teddy bear while the man guarding the merchandise moved to the opposite part of the stand.

I grabbed the teddy bear and gently landed on the ground in the middle of the crowd.

Snuggling and cuddling the large teddy bear I heard some scream in awe. I turned my attention to the voice direction only to be stared right back.

I saw smiling facial expressions while some were startled.

_**Idiot they only see the floating bear.**_

The surprised crowd formed a circle around me clapping their hands as they thought this was a random magic show.

Sighing again. _**If it's a show they want then a show they'll get.**_

Even though I didn't have any dance lessons what so ever I tried my best. I ball room danced with the teddy bear as it only look graceful on the bear.

I was a little embarrassed as Ulquiorra watched me._** I'm ruined**_

After 5 minutes of reckless dancing; the little girl from earlier made it through the crowd with her parents.

I looked at her then the teddy bear as I wanted it for a reminder of this night with him.

_**Ahh what the hell she deserves it.**_

Maybe it'll mean something to her to.

I motioned the stuffed arm I held for the little girl to come over. She was reluctant at first but she made her way over.

I did a playful walk to her making the stuffed bear give her a kiss on the forehead then a gentle hug; wrapping its stuffed arms softly around her neck.

The crowd awed in unison as the small human hugged the bear back with tears in her eyes laughing.

_**A child's laughter..**_.

She ran back to her parents with the bear as I wiped away the tear that formed in my left eye.

**_Gets me all the time..._**

The crowd scattered going back to where their usual route and I walked back to my favorite espada.

Still wiping the tear away I felt his arms around me; shocking me in the process. I regained my conscience and closed my eyes to his warm clasp resting my hands on his shoulder blades.

_**Finally..**_

It took me all I had not to submerge his jacket with tears of joy from this moment.

"Where to next?" his serene voice whispered into my ear.

Lifting my head off his chest I looked to the ridiculously huge wheel that slowly circled in place.

"Let's go on that," nodding my head to the yearning destination.

He took my hand in his walking to what was called the Mary-Go-round.

This is something more than friends, but I denied it.

It was close to midnight and the lights were shutting off one by one. We watched from the top of the Mary-Go-Round as the security guards chased a group of juveniles out of the amusement park before locking up, and people heading home from a long day's work.

Sitting next to him was driving me insane. I wanted to snuggle next to him but I wasn't that confident. It was obvious from the start that this was more than friends. Ever since I came to Huenco Mundo I was always around him, like we were best friends to begin with and now it's become more intimate.

I looked to him as he stared at the picturesque scene in front of us.

_**I don't want to ruin our friendship. But was it a friendship to begin with?**_

My mind was in shambles.

I look to the scene before me: the clouds were scattered and the moon was close to the outskirts of the town. As the last light was turned off; the moon's luminous light shown brighter, taking control of the emotions I was feeling.

Its light left anything that can cast a shadow a patterned silhouette. A beautiful scene for a beautiful moment in my eyes, as I was about to do something I wouldn't dare do just a few seconds ago.

Grabbing his arm I placed it around me resting the side of my face on his left pectoral muscle an closing my eyes to the comfort.

_**I feel so warm.**_

I knew he was confused by my sudden impulse

I knew he had questions

"Ulquiorra-sama," speaking into his chest, "I hope you don't mind this,"

"If I did I would've asked you to remove yourself," I felt him pull closer, "now hush woman,"

I smiled not saying anything more.

We made it back to Huenco Mundo. It started to look bright here as im seeing everything in rose-color. It was becoming less painful to leave the human world.

Making our way into Los Noches I felt his deep green garnet eyes on me as I smiled throughout our walk here.

I looked at him as we made it to our usual spot where we part our ways partaking in our normal regime, although tonight was different.

As I welcomed him into my arms enfolding him my grasp he did the same as always.

We held each other longer than anticipated.

I loosened my grip while his still maintained, sustaining my emotions.

"It seems you and I both want the same thing," I softly spoke into his shoulder.

He didn't say anything except tightened his grip around my waist; I hear his breathing near my ear, feeling it on the nape of my neck causing chills down my spine.

I moved my hand to his chest slightly moving him off my shoulder where his chin rest and brought my lips to his. His lips were soft, almost like a silk, as they flowed smoothly with mines. As our kiss deepened he pulled me closer to him.

_**Emi stop Emi stop Emi stop Emi stop Emi stop Emi stop….**_

My hands moved from his chest to his neck, individually kissing on his top lip and his bottom.

_**Emi stop Emi stop Emi stop EMI STOP!**_

I pushed off of him ending the kiss I heavily craved; turning my back to him making my way to my room.

I looked back to see his hands were still out, bringing a tear to my eye as I turned my attention back to in front of me.

Although it pains me to end the night like that...

_**I need some time away from him.**_


	4. Lasting Impression

This chapter is very** _lemon-y _**so brace yourself. ^_^

and I also want to thank**_ xfang-girlx _**and**_ lilarin _**for their reviews, you guys helped me a lot =)

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**Chapter 3**

I laid in my bed not realizing what I have done to him.

"Damn it!" I punched my pillow.

It was already morning and I didn't get an ounce of sleep ever since returning from our "date" last night.

"Argh!" I yelled into my pillow; minoring Appaci knock at my door.

Right now I didn't care, "I know," yelling before she knocked again.

"Well then hurry up!" retorting back.

I heard the noise her cast produced against the marble floor as she walked away. This morning I wasn't feeling hungry so I didn't eat like I normally would. Instead, I got washed and dressed in my room.

My room was a decent, teal and white colored room with numerous teal colored pillows in one corner and where I kept my weapon in another. My bed laid dead center with the cemented window in the back of it. I just like Halibel hot spring better than the usual shower and hot tub in my room.

I made plans to head to the training room. I wanted to see Ulquiorra but I was against the action. I can't see him after last night.

My felt tingles in my stomach after the thought. It's better for me to end things now than to keep them lingering the way they were. Ulquiorra is my friend; that's all I want him as. He doesn't judge me, and although he doesn't say much his actions speak for him, it amazes me. Falling in love with him will only complicate things, it wouldn't be the same.

Waking up from the daze just now made me forget where I was going until I looked at my zanpakuto.

_**Today is your lucky day.**_

Walking through the hall as though everything was peachy, when everything wasn't; I'm a total wreck on the inside. I braided my hair, receiving shocked looks from those who witnessed my scythe on my back.

I don't blame them, their faces were expected. Although I hated it, it did give me some pointers; "I am not to be fucked with," that's about the only thing I like about it.

Sometimes wielding the massive blades from both ends gave me security, even though im mostly better with my left stance than my right, the blade is convenient for me.

My thought reverted back to avoiding Ulquiorra all that I can today. The walk was lengthy so I was at high risk.

I thought of what I was going to say if I did run into him, but by the time I was done I was already in front of the door to the training field, hearing one of the column crashing down to the ground, then another one, and another.

_**Sounds like a worthy opponent. Maybe this will take the edge down a notch.**_

I grew more excited after sensing the overwhelming spiritual pressure, an espada most likely; I kicked open the door not expecting to see Grimmjow since he trained outside of Los Noches.

_**Damn! It had to be him!**_

He paused to look at me as I closed the door behind me, walking along the wall to lean my weapon against it.

"Can't you see it's occupied," snapping at me.

"I like cats, so I figured the pretty kitty wanted to play with the big bad wolf," smiling at him.

He cut his eyes at me.

I couldn't afford to not get under his skin since he was always a smartass about everything.

"Tch, bitch," charging at me with a clenched fist.

_**Bingo**_…

I blocked his attack using sonido to appear behind him, giving him a reverse roundhouse kick to his exposed side.

His forearms blocked my kick but he went flying into the already broken down column

"NICE!" commending him for his block.

Between Grimmjow and Nnoitra I didn't know who I loved sparring with the most.

Grimmjow used hand-to-hand combat himself which tickled my fancy, whereas Nnoitra used his Santa Theresa. Hand-to-Hand or Hand-to-Weapon didn't really matter to me, I love a challenge.

"You underestimate me Grimmjow," picking a hangnail provocatively, challenging him to attack me while my guard is down, "I'm quiet offended by that,"

He smiled that sadistic grin, "I always hated that cocky attitude of yours," spitting to the floor after the statement, "all because you landed a weak kick on me doesn't mean shit!"

Flicking off the hang nail, "It was a kick that sent you flying," the factual statement must have lit a fuse inside of him.

Before I knew it he appeared above me forming a cero.

"That is so predictable!" forming a cero of my own.

"We'll see," he murmured smiling in the process.

The explosion against the two opposing energy caused both of us flying away with my clothes and my right leg taking damage. I looked at myself as my hakama now stopped just below my lady-parts and my shirt barely covered my chest.

"LOOK WHAT YOU DID YOU JERK!" angrily shouting and berating the blue haired espada.

His jacket was ripped along the edges and his hakama were ripped at his knee. Hell he was already half naked, and I didn't want to be a part of that with him.

His eyes widened at my new unexpected outfit, then quickly changed with a that sadistic grin I hated so much, "If I would've known that was going to happen I wouldn't have held back,"

Now I was the charging at him, grabbing my zanpakuto shouting, "Get em…Cerebus!"

I didn't plan on changing into my resurrection form but my temper got the best of me; brown fur formed, encasing my legs and my torso, leaving the bare skin of my stomach exposed. My hands were claws now so were my feet. A thick shaggy silver tipped tail wagged in back of me. My hair was loose and bushy wearing black ears for a crown.

_**I wanted to kill him**_. The thought chanted in my head as I made my way throwing a fist to land on his face.

He dodged it moving to the left, I sent a left fist to him only to see him sidestep grabbing my wrist and using my arm to choke me.

Mocking me he whistles, "Looking good there,"

His breathing hit the back of my neck aggressively, causing me to shiver every time I felt the cold air.

_**He smells so good**_.

I found myself thinking of Ulquiorra again, but now wasn't the time. I snapped out of it using sonido to appear behind Grimmjow, using my left leg to cresent kick him.

He grabbed my ankle causing me to open my eyes wide and stared at that psychotic smile, "That's not going to work twice," and threw me to the ceiling.

Yelling as I twirled in the air, not because of the butterflies I felt in my stomach, but at how fast I was going. He appeared on my side getting ready to kick me back to the ground until my survival instinct kicked in.

Grabbing his foot before it connected to my back I sent him flying to the sandy floor with my white cero following behind him.

I watched as sand exploded into the air as he went crashing into the ground, the cero causing even more destruction around the area.

I lowered to the sandy floor hoping that was the last of him, changing back to me being barely dressed; until the smoke cleared.

Seeing a severely damaged Grimmjow smiling and breathing heavy, "It appears I did underestimate you, however…"

My eyes watched in shock as I felt a cold air on my neck.

"Dodge this!"

I didn't have time to recover as I watched, in wide eyes; his calf connects to my stomach causing me to spit up and taste blood.

My back went through three columns, blacking out during the turmoil.

_**Damn!**_

_**XOXOXOXOXOXOXO**_

I walked from the training room straight to the medic room, carrying an unconscious Emi in my arms. Her back in my left arm her legs in the other

_**I should've held back on that kick.**_

Looking down at the barely dressed woman I felt bad, but to hell with all that! She wasn't holding back herself!

I looked at her slightly parted lips as her head was rolled back and the blood that ran out the corner of her lips down her cheek.

"Hmph,"_** she should've never picked a fight with me in the first place, **_"Lightweight,"

She took a lot of damage; her arm that hung freely was burned from my cero, her right leg was burned also, mind you her stomach and her spine is probably in pieces.

_**I really need to control my anger.**_

Walking into the medic I laid her down on the first bed I saw that was empty. The nurse came over quickly, only to check me out first.

"I don't need to be looked at! I'm the one that carried her here! " snapping at the dumb nurse.

But she insisted anyway as another nurse looked at Emi. _**At least there was another one.**_

By the time the nurse was done, my abdominal was wrapped in cloth and a bandage on my forehead.

_**I told her I didn't need anything...Dumbass**_

I sat by Emi side for two hours.

Later on she abruptly woke up only to clench her stomach; grinding her teeth from the pain.

I felt my eyes soften a little when I saw her cringed over her legs.

She slammed herself back on the bed trying to ease the excruciating pain until she looked to the side an saw me sitting next to her bed.

She rose up again only to flinch and fall back down talking through her clenched teeth, "SHIT! What the hell did you do to me!" holding back the urge to scream in pain, "I'll never forgive you!"

I sighed, "That's expected,"

After the pain went away she opened one of her eyes to do a once over of me; smiling.

I grinned as she thought she did damage to me, "You're in a weak state, don't forget I can make something else on your body hurt you little shit!"

Her smile quickly faded as she saw my menacing grin but it didn't stop her from enjoying what she saw.

She slowly sat up, her torso and stomach wrapped in bandages. She looked at me again, "Looking good,"

Still smirking, "Not so bad yourself,"

"So what happened?" her face was serious.

I knew she didn't want the answer I was about to give her, but she wanted it so I gave it to her. "You passed out after I sent you flying,"

Her face scrunched together as she remembered the kick.

I continued, "I carried you back here and the nurse looked at you, they said your condition was severe at one point but I guess your regeneration fixed that bit of a problem. I told the idiots I didn't need any bandages but they did it anyway…bitches,"

She laughed only to hold her stomach to ease the pain.

"You took that kick pretty well," putting my hands in my pocket, "After you went flying through the columns you sonido right in front of me getting ready to land a punch to my face before collapsing on me," there was a pause; her cheeks turn red and she turned her gaze from mine to look at the white sheet that separated her an another damaged arrancar.

"I just stayed to see if you would ever get back up," I turned to walk to the exit, "Later,"

"Yeah….later,"

_**I still feel bad.**_

I made it to my section, not wanting to be bothered by anyone. I looked in the mirror at the bandages only to rip them off. I ripped off the one closet to my hairline only to take a few blue strands with it

"FUCK!" I landed a fist on my sink almost breaking it. I studied the bandage wondering why something that little hurt.

I massaged the aching part of my hairline and spreading out on my bed; its softness was total bliss; folding my arms preparing for a well needed rest, but it was impossible since she was in my head. I opened my eyes staring towards the ceiling

Seeing her in almost nothing did something to me and I'll be lying if I said that the image didn't turn me on.

She was practically in under garments it just wasn't as secured as some parts almost showed her desirable body parts. Her shirt only covered her nipples and her hakama was basically a tissue covering her front and back.

I felt myself rousing over the pictures.

Her hair falling on her face when she turned to look back at me shocked, almost scared.

Her scent smelled like a rare flower, it was fresh, sweet, and contagious.

I tried thinking of something else but her images were too much.

Going back to when I carried her in my arms, her succulent lips, toned stomach, toned legs, toned arms, voluptuous hips, small waist, and 36' bust.

_**Fuck!**_

Ascending to my knees; I held my head.

What the hell is going on, It's not like I never seen a woman, or had a woman for that matter, why the hell is she in my head. I laid back in bed closing my eyes trying to picture something else.

Yeah she's a gorgeous girl; a league of her own especially with that personality, but really this is just beyond me.

I needed to do something about this quickly!

My thoughts were disturbed by a soft knock on my door.

Not wanting to get up I yelled, "Come in,"

Looking at the door with one eye opened I seen her delicate face peek from behind the door; the rest of her body following behind.

_**Just what I fucking needed**_…

"Hey again," her soft voice spoke in a harmony.

She had a sake bottle in one hand and two cups in the other.

"I just wanted to come over and apologize for earlier, I should've just left you to train by yourself and this whole thing wouldn't have happened,"

I saw that she was fully regenerated as she was standing up straight.

Looking down beneath her bust where I stared at, "I hope you don't mind," smiling as she modeled, "I thought it was a cool looking shirt so I didn't bother putting on an _actual_ shirt,"

Her hakama were the same she was just missing a shirt.

I smirked. _**Only her**_.

She made her way to where I was an sat on the edge of my bed; she was still far away as my bed was as big as my ego.

I wasn't much into lavish things, so there was nothing in my room to be awe-struck about besides my bathroom and my bed. Black and cyan were my main color in my personal spot so it was a bit dark in here.

"So," raising the sake bottle to her face, "Care to join me?"

I wasn't much of a drinker; I found it pointless since I didn't feel anything from it, but whatever.

Without much hesitation she opened the sake and poured herself a drink.

"That's rude," still lying down.

Before she faced the cup she gawked at me, "You make your own poison, just be happy I brought it, _you_ sir are getting the next one,"

"tch, what good is that?" snatching the bottle away from her.

After countless sips and twelve sake bottles later Emi was passed out on the edge of my bed. Her words were slurred every time she talked and I found the shit hilarious.

After twelve bottles I only felt a buzz.

"You're a pretty kitty," her arms wrapped around my neck from behind me as she sniffed my hair, "You smell so goooooood," she sighed into my scalp.

I grabbed after her wrist near my chest only to feel my bare skin.

_**What the hell!**_

I looked over to see her examining the empty sake bottles that were near the edge of the bed.

"Hmm? There's no more," dangling the empty bottle in front of her face.

_**No shit you belligerent, you drunk them all.**_

She disappeared again and I felt her kick me off of my bed.

Just when I was about to kick her and the bed through the wall I relaxed a bit as she snuggled her face into my pillow.

"Tch, sucha lightweight!"

I laid on the floor my arms folding behind my head. I heard her moving but I didn't think anything of it until I felt her soft lips just above my hollow hole ascending to in between my pecs.

Just before I can do anything about it she forced my hands above my head; entangling her fingers with mines.

"yo! You're plastered! What the hell do you think you're doing!" snapping at her.

Her drunken eyes were shocked but that was soon replaced by a smile, "I want you,"

I was taken aback, shocked by her answer even as she played hard to get all the time with me but I wanted her too. In fact, I don't understand why I'm trying to stop her; I guess this doesn't feel right. Even though she has me pinned to the floor; I still feel like I'm taking advantage of her.

Before I could move her off me her lips crashed into mines, separating my lips with her tongue exploring both rows of my teeth.

My eyes grew wide as her tongue made its way almost down my throat.

She ended the deep kiss licking, biting, and sucking on my bottom lip. No matter how hard I moved she didn't budge off me.

_**Why the hell she so damn strong**_!

Her eyes opened to look into my confused irises, "You have gorgeous eyes, almost like im looking into water," she said before kissing me all over my face.

As much as I wanted to say "Stop!" the ever growing bulge in my groin would despise me.

She rested her pelvis onto mines, moving her hips back and forth, biting her bottom lip as she closed her eyes; massaging the pulsating partner in my lower half with her throbbing warmness. I find myself pushing my pelvis into hers making her moan louder.

_**Shit!**_

Finally having the strength to overpower her, I rolled her to the side of me, making my way in between her thighs.

I unclasped our hands resting my palm against the side of her head and one on her hip. I kissed her chin and to her lips biting on her top while she bit my bottom.

Her right hand rested on my shoulder blade while I felt the other travel down my back into my hakama, grabbing my right cheek pushing me into her.

_**She wants it that bad huh**_…

I nibbled on her ear as she moaned in mines, by now I was rock solid and I felt like obliterating her.

"Stop teasing me," she moaned, "give me every inch of you!"

She wrapped her legs around my waist and in a swift move we were on my bed. I rose from between her thighs; studying the deity that lay before me, yearning for me.

She bit her lip again, "Make love to me Grimmjow," almost sighing my name.

My eyes eased at her wish, exploring her body as well. I grabbed her ankle, abruptly tossing her over on her stomach. I climbed on her, resting my throbbing partner on her soft posterior, I kissed her shoulder down to her spine ripping the bandages off in the process until I made just above her rear kissing her one dimple on the left side.

I slid her hakama off biting her right ass cheek. She let out a soft laugh.

Turning her head to face me, "Like what you see?"

I smirked, palming her soft cheeks as I planted my face between her thighs; she lifted her hips of the bed slightly moving her left knee in response to my tongue exploring her forbidden fruit.

Making it my duty to get her nectar all over my tongue, not a single drop is to be wasted.

I hear the moans she makes while clenching the bed sheets, reassuring me that I'm doing my job well. She tried crawling away only to get yanked back on my hungry tongue.

_**She tastes so good**_…

I massaged her swollen clit with my thumb for a short time before replacing it with my tongue as I slid two fingers into her.

"..mmm…MMM…aaah,"

Her muscles coiled around my fingers as I still stimulated her clit with my tongue.

"W-Wait," she panted.

My thirst was quenched as I rose on the bed and she turned her body to face me. She took my jacket off gliding her delicate foot across my chest. She then made it down to my hakamas while I crawled on top, kissing on her neck as she pulled them off.

She clenched both of my cheeks as I entered her tight warm abyss. Her eyes shut in pain as she threw her head back letting out a loud moan.

She moaned with every hard thrust I gave her.

_**Music to my ears**_…

Her grip on my ass turned to scratching making their way to my shoulder blades.

I rested my forearm on the side of her head, breathing into her neck, grabbing the back of her knee forcing it to her torso and going deeper into her.

Her head still thrown back as she tried to escaped me again, only to get rammed causing her to gasp for air an shake.

"Y-you're….so…hugeaah!" panting now and trying to push me out of her.

_**Not happening**_…

Gripping my shoulder harder and gasping for air while I grind my pelvis into hers and feeling the back of her, her muscle started snapping on my pulsating friend.

_**She's about climax? Not just yet…**_

I rose from her torso to tower over her, she grabbed my waist on both sides slowly pushing me in an out of her, "Deeper," she panted.

I did as she commanded pushing all of me into her.

To my surprise she turned me on my back as she got on top; never severing our lower halves. Slowly she started moving her hips in a circular motion as she ran her fingers through my blue locks; kissing me.

I just felt like exploding in her as she willingly started flexing her inner muscles. She leaned forward and I was deeper inside her. She only sped up a little since she liked it slow and rough. My hand rested on her hip while my free hand caressed her neck, almost chocking her and yet massaging her gracious vocals as her harmonic moans escaped.

She hissed, biting her lip as her head went back.

_**It turns me on more how she wants to "hide" her moans**_.

"mmmHMMM," shaking on my pelvis now.

My hand explored her chest and her nipples while my other was on her waist now; forcing her to take all of me.

"AHHH," she moaned. Then she abruptly stopped riding me. Heavy breathing consumed her as she was on the side of me, looking at me as she rose on her palm and knees.

The sudden urge to kiss her was all of a sudden, but she pulled back with a smile shaking her head no, "Punish me first,"

_**That's how she want me?**_

I smirked as her eyes followed me to the back of her, I looked up her spine to her shoulder into those silver eyes. Our eye contact broke when I entered her and she closed her eyes in pleasure, biting her lip.

I grabbed her hair wrapping and pulling it around my left fist only to yank it when she tried to crawl away; which happened a lot.

As the pulling got harder so did my lunges into her.

"G-GR-GRIMMJOW!" she moaned my name but It became muffled when she bit the pillow.

A waterfall of her fluids graced my solid member only to feel myself explode into her too.

She collapsed on the bed and I collapsed on the back of her, still inside of her.

She grabbed my hand bringing it to her lips as I rested the side of my face on the side of hers.

"Grimmjow?" almost sighing my name, "...I'm sorry," she whispered.

My eyes open suddenly and I found myself in a cold sweat looking around the room to see nothing. I looked to my side and nothing.

Looking near the edge of my bed; I didn't see any sake bottles.

Nor did I see any cups.

And I definitely didn't see Emi!

_**IT WAS A FUCKING DREAM?**_

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**A/N**: I hoped you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it.

Let me know what you liked/disliked about this chapter.

I only want to become a better writer ^_^


	5. Finding My Way I

**okay so this chapter is a bit short since im still editing the rest (I know I know boo me) but later on in the day I will submit the next part so bare with me. ^_^**

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**Chapter 4**

**Finding My Way (183)**

I couldn't stop thinking about her kiss. It woke something inside of me, something I driven myself to ignore, a feeling I forgot the name too and didn't plan on remembering. That whole night I wasn't myself. I laid in bed wondering about her, wondering if I'll ever hear that light melody she spoke in, or see that luminous smile that I find myself needing to see for a better day, or just be around her for that matter.

_**What is going on with me**_?

Day dreams at this point are deadly. She's intruding my mind after not seeing her for a day, she has become irresistible without even trying, and desirable without being in the same vicinity as me. I need answers.

I was washed and dressed in the matter of minutes making my way to her; searching for her reiatsu, but that was hopeless.

_**Why is she hiding in here**_?

It wasn't long for me to get into the fast habit of my walk until Nnoitra stopped me, "Eh!" The slim giant looked at my facial expression, dwarfing me, "I never seen the fourth espada this stressed,"

_**Typical**_.

"You must be really intimidated by me to study my facial expression for a flaw," looking up at him now.

"Heh," a mischievous grin appeared on his face, "Want to fight?"

"To destroy you and this castle?" turning my back to continue my walk, "I don't think so,"

"We'll fight…..eventually," walking the opposite way from me.

I paid no attention to the last remark he made, as of now I only wanted to see Emi. I made it to the main hall walking past random fraccions and privaron espadas. I eaves dropped on one conversation on the other side of the room about Grimmjow carrying an injured woman to the medics and she had a dash tattoo. I emerged right in front of them determined to get answers.

"Where is your other comrade?" shocking the trio.

The one with the wild curly hair was the first to recover from the shock and spoke up, "She's at the medics,"

"Do you know what happened to her?"

"Not really, you'll have to ask Grimmjow he brought her there,"

"I see…" although I didn't show it I walked away from her comrades enraged. I started to head for Grimmjow's room with the intention to kill him for harming her then I stopped myself; thinking….

_**All roads lead back to her**_.

Instead, I walked to the medics. The walk wasn't that far but it gave me time to think about what I was going to say to her. Usually I'll see her all the time and not have anything to say but today something was off, my feelings were into this.

I searched her spiritual pressure, it was faint but she was healing herself. I walked into the room searching for her until I heard her laughing in the last section on the right; making my way through the busy aisle, bumping into medical trays with bloody cloths and fresh silver surgical utensils.

Finally making it to her closed off section my eyes met cyan colored eyes. He sat next to her with his hands in his pockets with a laid-back attitude like everything was favorable.

She turned her attention to me and her face lit up but his eyes were a different story.

"What are you doing here?" ignoring Emi cries to me and getting straight to the point.

He smirked, pissing me off even more, "Checking in on a friend…is that a crime?"

"It is when you're the one who put them in the nursing bed," If looks could kill, he would've been dead twice over.

"Guys," she smiled, "let's all calm down I'm breathing and I'm well," she tried sitting up but I saw the straining in her face.

It only enraged me more. By now I had Grimmjows collar in my grip, dangling him from the floor, forming a cero with my free hand.

_**I will end him!**_

"ULQUIORRA!" she yelled after me.

Grimmjow only put on his psychotic grin enticing me to obliterate him; he was looking forward to this fight.

Emi got out of her bed to hug me, even if blood seeped through her lips falling on to her bandages.

The outside I might've looked cool and calm but I was shaking with fury and blinded by rage, until I felt her touch. Dropping the 6'1 figure I held with a tight grip and canceling out my cero as she fell to my foot; holding her stomach.

I picked her up off the floor gently and placed her on the bed; kissing her forehead in terms of her forgiving me. She blessed me with a light smile waving off the incident. We both turned our attention to the blue haired espada who was fixing his collar to his liking.

He smirked again, "Next time, she won't be there,"

I turned back to meet her stare ignoring him, "I just came by to ask you a question, but I see you're already busy," turning to walk out now.

"No don't go," she whined tilting her head sideways.

"Yeah, don't go, I was just leaving," Grimmjow got up to leave bumping my shoulder and waving us off, "Later,"

After his presence was no more I turned to face her, I didn't hear the door open so I knew he was still in the area; listening.

She patted the side of her bed motioning me to sit next to her, only for me to stare at the dried blood on her wrapped torso.

"I'm okay, stop worrying yourself," she patted the bed more aggressive now that she was growing impatient. I walked over to stand by her; staring at her beauty.

"I need to know something," never taking my eyes off her.

Her smile was fading, "Like?"

I didn't know how to bring the question about since it was my feelings I needed answers too, so I showed her; pressing my lips to hers. At first she was shocked but she gave into my kiss as her lips fought back.

After our lips had their moment our eyes started theirs, "What was that?"

She was confused by the question, "A kiss?" unsure of her own answer.

"There was something more to it," adding in to the gesture.

"Like what?" her eyes grew innocent, but I knew she playing around.

I kissed her again this time longer, "That?" I spoke into her lips.

"Feelings?" she closed her eyes and softly spoke like she was asking for more.

"I'm aware of that but what kind of feelings?"

She kissed me now, a little more aggressive, "Lust" gently tugging at my bottom lip, she then wrapped her arms around me; kissing me again, "Desire," now I gave into her kisses before she pulled back, Staring at me before ramming her lips to mine, this time slowly, passionately dancing with mines, "Love,"

There was a pause between us; resting my forehead on hers, "The last one," I spoke surely of it; I knew that's what I felt.

She looked at me with a sparkle in her eyes, but was still timid, like she was holding something back. Her eyes returned to how they were; saddened, "Ulquiorra I-"she stopped to rephrase herself, "I'm scared,"

I just stared down at her.

"I'm scared things will change between us, that's the only reason why I stopped our first kiss even though I hungered for it, I like the friendship we have and falling in love will only complicate things," she swung her legs over placing them at my sides, pulling me closer into her; resting her head against my chest maintaining her low tone, "I'm not afraid of change though, I just don't want things to change between us,"

I stood quiet, looking down at her moving in sync with my chest every time I inhaled.

_**Why do I feel broken?**_

I felt like punching a hole through the wall but I couldn't.

"But who cares about all that…" she looked up smiling at me, "I'm in love with you and I want to take this a step further,"

Her words were liberating, I'm happy she feels that way.

I heard a noise that only one angry, arrogant, espada would make as he slammed the door as he made his exit, causing the room to shake.

_**I guess he doesn't agree with what she confessed.**_

A smirk appeared on my face as I gently held Emi to my body.

* * *

_**Let me know how you like it so far ^_^**_


	6. Finding My Way II

Okay so i did promise in my last chapter that I would upload it the same day but my apologies I was so caught up in homework -_-

But anywho I'm sorry for the wait, I hope you forgive me =3

It was suppose to be apart of last chapter but It wouldn't add on so I just wrote it as another chapter It's a tad bit short =/

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_**Chapter 4**_

**Finding My Way II**

Seeing the look she gave him when he shown up pisses me off to no extent. I stormed out of the medics not really caring if anyone was asleep or awake, the need to punch Ulquiorra lights out grew in a way I had no control over, an then again it was her words that push me to feel that way; something that I have no understanding too. I want her to look at me like that, _**HA**_! Simply put, I just want her!

The dream I had felt so real, like I was actually digging in her guts only for it not to be! "Tch!" my interest for her grew higher than it should have from that alone. I started to tell her about it only to catch myself. How the hell would I look like saying to her 'I fucked your brains out in my sleep'? I couldn't help but laugh at the thought. But now I might've blown that chance with her.

There's no telling how things are going to be between the duo, but I don't give a damn, she's already mines and I don't do well with sharing, even if that means fighting him till the end, I will get her.

I felt the sudden urge to just run back in there and kick Ulquiorra's ass but she would fend for the bastard, possibly dying from her wound being reopen. I have no choice but to wait it out for the next time I visit her.

"Who would've thought the sixth espada had feelings?"

Catching me by surprise would've worked if I didn't expect Halibel to show up out of nowhere but hearing her speak is another thing, "I don't know what you're talking about," my back still to her.

"You never were a good liar; quit it while I'm only making small talk with you," her low sultry voice felt like stabs.

"Heh, nobody asked you too,"

"You're too obvious; unknowingly wearing what's left of that ice box you call a heart on your sleeve rather than your stomach,"

"Is that all?" I refused to listen to anymore of her insults.

"She wants you too,"

She got my full attention now, whether it was obvious or not, "Bullshit! She already confessed herself to Ulquiorra,"

"You really are blind, especially to not witness the way she acts around you,"

I was quiet, thinking of our over the time encounters; blowing kisses at me, slapping my ass whenever I walked by her only to get royally pissed off when she ran away, and flirting with me every chance she got. That's only to name a few, "All of that was just to annoy me!" _**right?**_ "Just her way of getting under my skin and to be frank most of it worked,"

Halibel shook her head, "It all comes from somewhere," she walked past me, "I'll leave you to ponder on what I just said,"

"For what! They're just jokes," _**RIGHT!**_

I reflected back to when I first seen her, it wasn't like she started her jests when she first seen me. She would just stare at me, I even went as far as to ask 'the hell was she starring at?' her shocked eyes would turn into a smile and say "You," but that stopped, over the years I paid no attention to her; besides her still grabbing my ass. She started distancing herself and now she's in Ulquiorra's corner. The thought made my left eyebrow twitch. Looking at where Ulquiorra stood with her only pissed me off more, "That could've been me,"

The dream was back in my thoughts. I started to wonder if she was anything like she was in my dream only to see her and Ulquiorra which caused the wall right by me to disappear with my fist. I'm pissed off and horny, two combinations that don't go well together, especially with me. I'm not someone who shares and I'll be damned if Ulquiorra is going to have his paws all over her.

I turned back to call for Halibel to see nothing, _**she's so damn random**_!

I made me way back to the medics flying, not caring if he was still there, I was going to get her one way or another, "And she will be mines,"

My eyebrow started twitching again as I thought of them kissing while I was still there which caused me to speed faster. What would happen if I would just blow him to bits? What would she do? Hopefully run into my arms. Smirking now, it would be impossible, she's in "love" with the morosely prick, it would be beating a dead body if I fight this fight, I might as well keep away from her.

This is a bit much for me to handle all at once; startling myself. I want her, but in order for me to have her, I would have to break her, by eliminating him. It's below me. My body ached and I felt like punching someone's teeth in; his to be exact. I need a good fight after all.

I made it to the splitting and slightly crushed door, the adrenaline I felt was uncontainable. I didn't know if it was from me approaching her or fighting Ulquiorra, I didn't plan on fighting him but if push comes to shove then I am, regardless if it looks like I'm fighting for her or not.

The door was barely on the hinges so I just kicked it open, scaring the majority that was conscience. _**Fucking sue me!**_

All eyes were on me as I made my way to her section, pulling back the white curtain that separated her from me. She was getting dressed; her top was still bare but soon after she threw on her shirt while her back was facing me.

"Are you just going to stand there and stare at me," turning her head to me.

_**If only she knew**_…"I-"

"No I don't,"

At first I was confused; wondering how do she even know what I was about to say.

"In fact, I detest you,"

_**That's all it took**_?

"You disgust me,"

_**Adding salt to the injury**_?

I was shocked at myself as I didn't return the harsh words; I only listened.

"Why are you even here? Do you think…..wait…no…you think I have some type of feelings for you?"

There was a moment of silence before she laughed, "Get real!" hysterical now.

I cut my eyes at her, refraining from chocking the life out of her, but I stood quiet as a storm of anger revolved inside my chest, significantly growing every time I heard her voice.

"You should know my feelings never went past friendly jests towards you, I don't love you, I don't even like you," she started braiding her hair as she went to the other side of the room to grab her huge weapon, then walked to me, staring at me like I'm the one who crushed her. I wanted to say something but I was stuck, nothing came out of me. I just felt like kicking her in her stomach again, but I didn't budge, I couldn't.

She stopped right in front of me, looking up; into my eyes, "Forget about me,"

Her face brought back a sexual craving but I was shaking with hate more than lust.

The one woman I actually feel something for tells me she hates me and I disgust her, I feel as though whatever I was feeling in my torso was about to erupt in my actions.

She gave me one last look before leaving me to soak up what she said, words that surpassed the unexpected and terrifyingly hurtful.

_**XOXOXOXOXOXOXO**_

That was something I didn't expect.

I sighed, even though I'm still regenerating I feel great, somewhat. Despite the certain gestures that made my stomach ache but it wasn't the only thing aching. Whatever the sensation I felt in my chest wasn't pleasant.

Making my way to my room; I played over the spiteful words I said to Grimmjow; imagining myself if I were him, and yet I hoped he understood or at least we had a mutual understanding on some level, but his face spoke different and his general space was off. I didn't feel what I wished for; but really…..how could I?

"That was an abrasive move you did,"

"I suppose it was,"

"Are you sure you want to go through with this?"

I was serious now but kept a low upholding voice, "Yeah,"

"He's not going to give up since you caught his interest,"

I smiled, "I can't help but to think this is a soap opera for you,"

A slight chuckle came from her, not something I get to hear or see, "I'm just watching from the sidelines,"

I sighed again; turning to face my commanding espada, "Anything for my freedom, is what I pledged,"

"Even if that means killing the one you love?"

I looked down from her question, "Any means necessary,"

"Just be careful and not too reckless,"

"Yeah…I'll try," bowing to Halibel as she walked by me.

I couldn't help but come to an understanding that pretending can be a deadly game when dealing with something more than affection; it's like I'm killing myself, which is exactly how I felt.

_**I can only hope to see those blue eyes again…**_

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_**Speak your mind on what you feel about this chapter, what you like/disliked ^_^...also what do you think is going to happen? 0_0**_


	7. The Good, The Bad, and Ugly Nights

**____****A/N: just wanted to say thank you to xfang-girlx for reviewing my story and giving me her greatest insight ^_^ you're awesome**

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**_The Good, The Bad, and Ugly Nights_**

**_Chapter 5_**

**Ulquiorra Pov**

"Come on Ulquiorra let's go out somewhere," crossing her arms on her breast; pouting.

It's like she was never injured, she was right back to being the playful woman she was before, "No, you're still regenerating, they said you should stay here and rest,"

She responded to me with a deep sigh; throwing herself back on the bed, "They can't tell me what to do, I feel fine! I walked here all by myself, you seen it with your own eyes,"

I never understood someone of her caliber, I still don't; she always want to be on the run instead of resting to heal her wound, "That's not the point Em-"

"I know I know," she turned her head to the window, "I just thought that we would spend some time together now that…we're…" she blushed, "well you know…now that we know where we both stand,"

"We still can spend time together,"

Her left eyebrow rose; looking at me from the corner of her eyes, staring as if I have something else to say.

"Well? How can we do that?"

"Simple," I walked to her side, grabbing her wrist that laid across her stomach; placing her warm hand on my chest as I laid next to her.

"Won't it be boring for you?"

I smirked, "You have it the other way around, I don't mind just laying here with you,"

She smiled, "You're right about one thing anywhere with you by my side is enjoyable," she turned her body to face me bringing her face closer to mine, "you are amazing, though you have a tough time showing it,"

"When it's not you,"

She smiled placing a light kiss on my lips. I can't help to think that something is off about her, she looks…loved…but something else is missing.

I stared at her now while she blessed me with that picturesque smile that relaxes me like no other.

_**I guess so**_.

We lay in her bed, her eyes never blinking and neither were mines. Her eyes put me in a trance; looking into the silver spheres surrounded by a sea of snow.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

I heard her question but I didn't answer her, I was trapped in the crystallites she has for eyes, until she closed them; snapping me out of the hypnosis, "Answer my question," still smiling at me.

"Like what?"

She laughed now, "Even though you don't show much emotion, I can still tell how you feel," her face cheeks turned a rose color, "I know the question is a bit…redundant, but I want to hear the reason for you looking at me with such happiness?"

The question wasn't what I expected; I didn't show much but I deeply hope that she doesn't expect a response to the question because I don't know the name of the feeling I get when next to her. I stayed quiet; looking at her eye lids now.

"You don't have to give me a definite answer, just what about me brings you joy?"

I just spoke out of sheer defeat from the overbearing influence this so called "love" ruled on me, "Everything that is relevant to you,"

She was straining to keep her eyes closed, "I can just rip your clothes off right no-"her eyes flashed open; pupils dilated, "please tell me you didn't hear that…"

_**How could I not? We are a hair strand away from one another.**_

I felt the need to laugh but contained it; I heard what she said but still retorted back to… "I didn't,"

_**Is this the "happiness" I'm supposed to feel?**_

Sighing into the air between us out of pure relief; her eyes slightly opened. Her breathe smelled like a sweet champagne, I felt the urge to take her tongue into my mouth, tasting where the luring smell came from; but I held back the sudden impulse. She closed her eyes now as I still stared at her somnolent form; watching her fight the drowsiness that consumed her by speaking to me.

"Emi?"

She managed to whimper out, "Huh?"

She was already on her way to sleep, so instead of asking the ardent question that was enflamed in my mind, I turned my head to look at the ceiling. I won't be able to sleep, I never felt the need to sleep, or even felt a hint of sleep. I just stared at the ceiling like I'm the gate protecting a divine treasure from that brute.

A light snore reiterated in my air, a repeat of a pleasant sound I find pleasing. I smirked looking back at her.

_**Even her snore is a melody**_.

She look relaxed, secured, and…happy?

_**I wonder if she knows he'll be coming after her.**_

_**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**_

**Grimmjow pov**

'Forget me' was all that played in my head. My breathing was at a fast pace and my chest felt heavy since that large storm still brewed inside it.

_**Fuck is wrong with me**_?

I swear that wretched bitch bring out the worst in me! I kept telling myself to hate her but no matter the amount of times I cursed her name or cursed the fucked up reason for her existence; I couldn't hate her.

_**This is so wrong**_! She should be the one feeling like this.

How is it that suicidal bastard get the girl while I'm stuck feeling lower than dirt?

"Heh, why is it that I'm even stressing over the slut?

I struggled to keep my eyes closed, lying in this vile bed. I just started to hate everything, "Like I care,"

Becoming more pissed off with the world; a hard knock landed on my door, "What?"

"You haven't been out your room since your visit from the medic, I was only checking to see if you were still breathing,"

"Fuck off!"

Di Roy walked back to wherever he came from cursing my name himself. Tonight is just one of those nights I need to fight, but no one would challenge me, except that…_**BITCH**_!

_**By the end of tonight I might even forget her exact name**_. I laughed; loathing the day she came here.

That scene where she single handily crush me was back in my school of thought, repeating the set where she destroyed me without laying a single finger on me. I came up with different scenerios: One when she confessed herself to me and Ulquiorra was the one walking out slamming the door.

Two: when she ran after me as I rejected her feelings.

And the last one; my personal favorite:

We both laid on the nursing bed, she's on top of me; a pleasurable wave of the tingling sensation reaching all over her body, and I'm still inside of her feeling all of it.

Either one of those three would've been better than the reality of the issue. It's not like me running away from the truth, I rather face the bullshit head on, and I'm definitely looking forward to changing that "Hate" and "Detest" into "Deeper" and "Harder,"

I licked my lips to the thought of her underneath me, screaming in pain and pleasure.

I still wished the worst to happen to the two of them, I can't deny the fact, especially when it coursed through my veins. I laughed again; _**I can't deny the true fucking fact that I need her by my side.**_

I feel pathetic…desperate even. What the hell is love anyway? What does it stand for? Destroying everything under its reign?

_**Yeah…that sounds about right.**_

Who needs "Love" anyway when you have the power to do whatever the hell you feel like doing with no restraints, "I feel like destroying something right now," but I didn't move.

I wish I never met her.

She has every right to die with the way I'm feeling, but that foolish voice my body listens too tells me not too. Even if what's left of my heart was ripped open, chewed up, and spit out.

Harribel didn't know what she was talking about, 'It all comes from somewhere' my ass. It's complete and utter bullshit!

All three of them should just jump off a fucking cliff.

_**I'm losing myself**_…

_**XOXOXOXOXOXOXO**_

**Emi pov**

I heard heavy breathing, liquid that trickled to the hard floor, and a low sinister voice that whispered in an incoherent speech.

It was pitch black and I held my hands out, hesitating to even move to the wheezing. I've been standing in the same spot for over a minute and my eyes still didn't adjust to the darkness around me.

_**Where am I**_?

As much as I wanted to run to the other direction I walked to the heavy breathing; my hands still out in front of me.

"Hey! Are you hurt?" hoping to get a response back but I got no answer, only wheezing.

The breathing was getting closer, "I know yo-," my fingers ran into a hard chest; touching to what felt like tender skin and a loud shout was heard, causing me to jump back.

I felt a thick liquid on the tip of my fingers, rubbing my tips together it was sticky, "Are you hurt?…what is wrong with you?"

I walked back over gently searching for the body again; to my success I felt him, the voice gasped and then rapidly moved upward to his neck then a face.

"Is this what you do," a deep raspy voice talked into my face._** I know who this is! Why is Grimmjow here?**_

The ominous voice in the background laughed but was still low.

"What the hell are you talking about?" holding his face more aggressive trying to see him, "why are you hurt?" my voice was anxious.

The slow dripping was faster now, practically leaking on the floor and it was close, too close.

"I asked you is this what you do?" he panted out the words

"Does that matter right now?" his face moved closer into my hands only to disappear falling down.

"Hey!" I held my hands out again determined to look for him and fast, "Where are you?"

I want to save him; I felt the need to do so. I wanted to cry out of frustration as his breathing was getting weak and I couldn't do anything about it. It confused me because he was just in front of me and yet I can't feel him anywhere, "Grimmjow!" I cried out now hoping to get a smartass response, but nothing.

I listened out for his breathing but the laughter in the background was getting louder. I crawled on the floor now searching around the area where he stood; I felt a warm hand and a pulse which was unusual. I followed the arm all the way to his bare chest, accidently touching the wound, then to his face, a shade of relief came over me, "I found you," forcing a smile to my face but it quickly faded, "are you alright?"

"Dumbass, of course I'm not,"

"Tell me what happened to you," wrapping his arm around me

He was quiet

"God!...you're so heavy!" pulling him up.

He was still quiet.

"Grimmjow?" there was no response, "Grimmjow!"

"I hear you!"

"Then fucking answer me!" I wrapped my arm around his waist for balance, "who did this to you?"

He let out a sarcastic laugh, "You should already know the answer to that,"

"Stop with the riddles…who did this to you?" I walked our steps becoming erratic while I was feeling for an exit.

"Do you know what this place is?"

"No and I don't care," growing more annoyed for not finding a door.

"I can…never escape here…"

"It's not like you to talk like th-"

"You won't allow me too,"

I paid no attention to him or the voice that whispered something else. I only heard two words the voice said, mentioning something about a heart and draining.

"What do you mean I won't allow you to?" minoring the wicked voice.

He stopped his movement, pushing me off him sending me flying away, "You're the one that's killing me!"

Still confused an slightly annoyed that he pushed me, I bellowed out of aggravation, "What are you talking about?"

I heard him fall down again; on his knees, "I'm not Grimmjow, I'm your he-"

My eyes flashed open staring into the ceiling; I rose on the support on my palms, heavily breathing looking in front of me.

"You were mumbling in your sleep,"

I jumped again; the unruffled voice reminded me to much of the laugh in that weird dream.

"Were you having a nightmare?"

I looked to the side of me to see Ulquiorra still lying beside me, "Yeah…it kind of was,"

"Hmm?"

"Well…it's complicated to explain…it was dark…bloody…and a voice," _**that wasn't all**_, "I don't think I can go back to sleep after that," laying besides him now.

"What shall we do then?"

I looked all over his face, "I don't know…you won't let me leave from here…"

"I'm sure you know why,"

"Not exactly,"

He smirked, "That's good to know,"

I didn't care, nor did I want to know the reason. I moved myself closer to him, cuddling my face into the side of his. I rested my arm on his waist, not wanting to let go of him. The dream terrified me, and just being this close to him I felt protected. I wasn't planning on getting any sleep no time soon; I still tried to figure out the last thing Grimmjow or whoever it was said in my dream 'I'm not Grimmjow…I'm your he-"

_**What the hell is it?**_

* * *

_**so you know the deal when you reach the end =3 **_

_**Let me know what you like/dislike or what I can change and need improvement on. (I don't bite T_T)**_

_**lol I hope you enjoyed it ^_^**_


	8. Ambivalence

**A/N**: Finally done with this chapter. I had to write the whole chapter over due to my clumsy best-friend spilling juice over it -_- This chapter was completley different from the original I wrote before but I still remember some of the parts.

Also I would like to thank **Leyshla Gisel **and** xfang-girlx **(I can't thank you enough ^_^) for sticking with my story, =3

Well now, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it

R&R pwease =\

If there are any mistakes don't be shy to tell me ;)

**Disclaimer**: I do not, in no way, shape, or form, own Bleach.

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**Ambivalence**

**Chapter 6**

It was already morning before it dawned on me that I thought about her all night. No sleep at all.

My eyes were burning but no matter how many times I just laid in my bed with my eyes closed I couldn't drift off into a merited slumber. If I did, it would only be for eight-thousand-five-hundred milliseconds to be literal.

Fuck!

Yeah, she has my insides all twisted and I have yet to even grasp the theory of what was going on with me. I rose from my bed completely naked since it was hot as the deepest pit of hell. Sweat guzzled my whole body leaving somewhat of an imprint in the white sheets.

I walked to my bathroom for a needed shower. Letting the water run through my scalp, to all over my body. Nobody knew that me, the sexta espada, would find this overly relaxing and no one ever will. After just standing under the water I finally decided to wash myself. I know you're thinking why hot water, but I'm not a scientist so I won't explain; it just felt ten times cooler after I was done.

I stepped out drying myself putting on my well-known attire, and then made my way for the training area. I thought she wasn't going to flood my mind again but as soon as I stepped out she was there. I just accepted it now; it was draining me mentally when I didn't.

I walked to the training area hoping for a challenge of some sort. I was in front of the door in the matter of minutes using sonido.

"You!" I called out to the man in front of me talking with a group of other arrancars.

He looked at me pointing to himself. I never saw his face around here and to be blunt I didn't care, I just needed to fight. He had a great amount of spiritual pressure which I thought he would be able to keep up fighting against me.

But that workout was really a stress reliever to a point. I rolled my wrist around cracking my neck leaving the man's comatose body on the training ground; his breathing was sparse and neither did he move from that exact spot where my foot caved in his rib cage, "Heh," if only I did that when her punch was ruin by her collapsing on to me, I wouldn't be in this situation.

_**Someone will see him there eventually**_.

I walked out the room not even bothring to take a second look behind me; I was dirty and needed a shower badly.

I couldn't sleep last night so I'm running on empty and yet I don't feel any need for it. If I did go back to sleep she'll only cloud my mind once again…like now.

My room was far on the east side of the castle, and I didn't feel like talking to anyone during the long walk. If I did it was only to say 'Piss off' or my infamous 'Blow me' which some of the women here, being the freakiest, didn't mind the latter.

_**Sluts**_.

The main hall was just ahead, there were many fraccions lounging with one another like they didn't have any work to do. I spotted Di Roy who "hid" from my vision behind a taller figure. Like I care, even though; I did tell him to run an errand. Glad I knew he was unreliable when it came to those things.

Some eyes were on me while I walked through the busy crowd, the majority of them ran to the narrow floor-to-ceiling window looking out into what sounded like rain, and then that voice; that fucking voice that seemed to always stiffen every joint in my body once it was heard.

"Grimmjow," she sung. I paused for a minute my back still to her.

_**Just keep walking**_. I moved once my subconscious told me too.

"Hey!" she yelled for me again.

I still walked, looking before me to the never ending hall where some arrancars ran in front of me to the window and some behind me, causing her to lose sight of who she haunted without knowing.

Heh.

Yeah.

Me of course.

I listened out for only her variable footsteps striving to catch up with me.

"You're really not speaking to me?" I heard her call out.

_**Who asks a dumb ass question like that**_? Then I realized who I was talking about.

"I guess I deserved that," still walking behind me, "I just wanted to apologize for yesterday,"

I turned the first corner I seen heading straight for my room; I'm sweaty and on top of that, she's making me hot all over again.

She was about to keep going straight until she stop to look around for me, "Where th-"

_**Damn she saw me**_.

"Wait up!" running to walking behind me.

_**Not in your lifetime kid**_.

I turned another corner to my left while she was still in the middle of the hall way, speed walking to me. I turned to look behind me seeing that she was still walking in the aforementioned hallway then I used sonido the rest of the way.

It wasn't a long journey using the trick but it was longwinded.

The training, or shall I say, using the punching bag really did help me out. The way I handled the situation; I can say that I calmed down just a little instead of cero-ing her to oblivion. Don't get me wrong, the thought did cross my mind.

I was almost near my room when there was a scent, the sweet refreshing one that flooded my nose in the medic room yesterday.

_**She didn't**_!

I started to walk now, I know she's not at my room, she can't be that fast, I didn't even sense her going by me.

Turning into the right corner; I looked at her, as my eyes widened, leaning against my door with her arms behind her head, looking to the ceiling while she nibbled on her bottom lip.

_**How the…how did she get here before me**_?

Her eyes fixated on to me as I stared at her.

"There you are," she smiled.

_**That shower can wait**_. I turned the opposite way, walking to the exit of Los Noches.

"Why are you acting like this?" I heard the laugh behind her question.

_**I'm glad she finds this shit amusing**_.

She started walking behind me again, this time closer, "You have a nice ass there Grimmy" she snickered.

_**No! you do not want to kill her!**_

"You have to talk to me sometime," she laughed again.

_**The hell I do**_. For all I know she could drown in a sea of acid and I still wouldn't respond, that's exactly how I felt.

"You should be more thankful that I'm even apologizing,"

_**You want to choke her**_, _**just end her life right here**_…_**right now**_…_**kill her now**_…_**kill her NOW**_!

My footsteps came to a break; my fist was clenched at my side, shaking with rage.

_**That's right…kill her**_…_**It'll be the end of your troubles**_.

"See I knew you wo-"

I dashed away from her, leaving behind a cloud of wind. She prevented the airstream from hitting her face with her fore arm; by the time she recovered I was halfway to the exit of the castle.

Instead of killing her, which I should've, my body refused the commands and I tore through the gust just to get away from my thou-…well yeah…her. Only two loud thoughts in my head were how she made it to my door before I did and that pitiful excuse for an apology.

_**Like I would accept that bullshit**_**! Like I forgot those words that fast!**

'_I hate you_,' she said

'_I detest you_,' she said

'_Ha I don't even like you_!'

My eyebrows automatically furrowed together.

I'm glad she does hate me, or detest the very sight of me, in fact I'm fucking ecstatic that she doesn't like me. It makes it that much easier for me to ignore her when..She… -tch-…who the hell am I kidding?

There was that smell again but I didn't see her in sight. I looked behind me as I ran to see the castle disappearing behind the sand I kicked up; still dashing into the desert, no end point in mind.

I turned my attention back to in front of me seeing her stopping before me, sliding across the sand. My eyes widened while she readied her feet into the sand meanwhile I still ran full forced looking for a way to avoid collision.

Her soft hand grasped my neck stopping my run as the hard wind blew past us and her arm crackling against the hold; slamming me to the floor while I dreadfully gasped for air against the crash.

She had me pinned to the floor by my arms now.

"I should kill you!" I snapped at her as to any sane person would do. My throat was stinging; my back not so much.

Out of breathe now, she yelled in my face, "Stop running from me!"

"Who the hell was running?"

"You were you big pussy!"

I tried lifting my arms in an attempt to have my fingers around her neck.

She struggled to keep me on the floor but that soon stopped when she rested her body on to mines, keeping my legs on the floor by my waist.

My pupils dilated, this was exactly how that racy dream started, "T-the hell you doing?"

"Holding you down!" she yelled.

"Know your place bitch! I'm superior to you!"

"You're not my commanding espada _pussy_cat! I don't have to follow anything you say but can you please…" she struggled to keep me down again, "calm…down!"

I finally broke free from her grasp flipping her over my head with one lift from my leg. _**That was too easy**_.

Just when I was about to dash off again she grabbed me from under my arms clamping her hands on the nape of my neck then she entangled one of her legs in between mines. We dropped to the floor in a seated position. I couldn't move my arms or my legs since she held them wide apart with hers.

"Damn you're annoying!" I spat out the words.

She had me in a submissive hold that I had no choice but to listen to her. She spoke out of breathe again, "Man you're fast!"

I was the one struggling, swallowing my pride just to squirm in her hold, "Nobody told you to run after me,"

She raised her head to my ear idly smiling, speaking into my ear, "You wouldn't talk to me,"

"Hmph," giving up the odd movement to break free from her hold, "who would?"

She rested her drenched forehead on the back on my head, catching her breath, "Before you ran away from me like the _pussy_cat you are, I was asking for your forgiveness,"

The rain rushed past us by the wind and her hair caressed the side of my face. Her body loosened a little and I saw this as an opportunity.

I grabbed her ass, flipping her before me into a choke hold, seated in between my legs.

She laughed again, "You're…supposed to ask me…on a date first," fighting to get me off.

"That wouldn't go well with the love of your miserable fucking life now would it?"

She was quiet.

"Eh? Did I hit a nerve?" smiling, speaking into the side of her face.

She didn't fight to take my arm from around her neck now.

"Looks like the cat got the bitch tong-" her elbow connected to my bare stomach, catching me off guard.

My arms released from her neck as I slid back a great distance across the wet sand.

She used sonido to appear on top of me again, stopping me from crashing into the only tree in the desert.

This time…her lips were on me.

_**XOXOXOXOXOXOXO**_

His lips taste so good, but I needed to calm him down some way and then again I needed to calm the voice down that screamed inside of me.

This was innocent right? This isn't wrong right?

Fuck! This is so wrong!

I moved my lips off of his brushing the side of his face with mines as he trailed my every move.

_**This is evil**_.

I was still catching my breath from all that running trying to catch up to him, but now the inside of my chest was vibrating more than just respiring.

"Will you forgive me?" I spoke into his neck, "…I d-didn't mean to hurt you,"

"Hurt?" lastly speaking before he laughed, "whose hurt?"

I raised my head looking at him, it was still raining and his bright eyes flicked to the drops, "Obviously you!" I yelled.

"You got the wrong one kid,"

"You sure about that?"

"Positive,"

I stared at him, refusing what I was hearing, "I don't believe you!"

"You should,"

"So what was all that running around you did? Why weren't you speaking to me?"

"I never figure you to be just like all those obsessing chicks! Isn't it obvious?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what I said, are you off in the head?"

I grabbed his neck again, my sight started going in and out.

_**Don't blackout**_.

I still seen that infamous smirk appeared on his face, "You are a stubborn bastard!" I blurted out still trying to contain myself.

He still looked at me, "You think you can kill me?"

It was odd that his hands were still by his side and I didn't sense any killing intent from him which was strange.

"I don't know…but I…don't want to try,"

"So remove your hand from my neck," he cut his eyes at me.

I did what he said resting my hand on his chest now; I still wanted to know if he forgave me for those harsh words.

"You still haven't answer my que-"

In a flash he flipped me over him again; my back almost slammed into the sand until he caught me landing gently to the floor. His body crushed mines while he settled on top of me, devouring my lips.

He started to kiss my neck; his mouth covered a portion of my skin as he bite down on me like I was his meal.

"Mmm," the sound was inevitable, a hum of satisfaction. His bite sent bolts throughout my nerves, I grabbed the back of his head wanting more of the feeling, it felt good, it turned me on, it made me need him just for this high alone.

My legs brushed the sides of him while I dug my fingers into his skin beneath his jacket; his lips were driving every aspect of me.

_**More**_!

"Just…so you know," He spoke in between the kiss, "I don't forgive you," licking my collar bone, "the reason being," biting in between my breast, "is that you lied to me," he was back to my face now, "you haunted me ever since then," he sucked on my top lip, "all because of those bogus words," he bit my neck again, and I reached out for something that wasn't there, clawing the sand, "now," moving my legs widely apart, "you have to redeem yourself," pushing himself into me, feeling his erection.

I felt the thickness of his manhood in his hakama against me; I was aching for him now. He sent a small amount of reiatsu through my entrance resulting in me gasping to the heavenly sensation.

_**Why am I enjoying this! **_

_**What am I doing?**_

I shouldn't be here with him doing this but I wanted too, this was a trip that I knew I wasn't coming back from. My spark for Grimmjow rekindled when I started seeing him around more which is so wrong because I moved on to Ulquiora who I grew to love over the years.

He stopped to look back at me; right into my eyes. I was panting now, wondering why he stopped kissing on me, "He'll kill me once he finds out about this," he smirked.

"Well…maybe we should sto-"

His lips crushed mines again shoving his lower half into me once more, another moan rolled out of me into his mouth.

I pulled away from his kiss, "You shouldn't gamble with…mmmmeh…you shouldn't gamble with your life!" pushing against his bare chest.

"It's my life," kissing me again, "you should worry about your own,"

My hands explored his body, feeling from his chest, to his abs, he raised his body more and my hands found his erogenous member.

Although the rain drops were cold against me, his body temp was hot, covering most of my figure besides my legs that were wrapped around him.

I started stroking him triggering a groan from him into my mouth. My pupils dilated to the glorious sound and how vast he was; it surpassed that of anything under extreme erotic making me moan too while he pushed into my hand lightly moving himself to my grip on him.

_**He likes that**_. I smiled during the kiss.

"Aren't you going to take your clothes off? Or should I do that for you?" he talked into my lips staring at me.

My hands were back on his chest that hovered over mines, gently rubbing my hands on the sides him, "Right here?"

"Why not?"

"P-people could be watching,"

"You weren't thinking about that when your hands massaged me,"

I have no reason as to why I blushed now, but I did, "…We should go inside and wash all this sand off of us first,"

"Whatever," he rose off of me slightly annoyed, "come to my room when you're done,"

I got up also, looking to him bring his hands to his pockets, a stance that screamed 'come and get me'

"And if I don't," I managed to speak out. Waiting for his reply while I bit my bottom lip; purposely drawing him in again.

He walked to just in front of me, licking my lips then sucked and bit on both separately,

He smirked after the caress, "Your loss," he spoke before he used sonido to a destination I didn't know about.

"He sure does like biting a lot," murmuring to myself while walking back to the castle.

I couldn't get my mind off of what just happened and I don't think I ever will. Here I was in love with Ulquiorra and now lusting for Grimmjow.

This is so wrong!

So, so, so, wrong! But frighteningly…it felt so good.

Ulquiorra didn't claim me as his yet, although I've been waiting for some time, I still want to be his but now that voice in the back of my mind was louder; crying Grimmjow.

I feel like…no

I feel like…forget it

Sighing within myself, "I feel like shit!"

Should I tell Ulquiorra what happened? Or just keep this dirty little liaison with Grimmjow to myself?

Questions like this flooded my thought process.

My mind is saying don't say a word while my heart is saying tell him.

_**Well maybe you should've contained yourself and things wouldn't have turned for the worst right**_?

Fuck it! I'm not going to be controlled by this guilty pleasure.

So…

For now…

I should start getting my good-byes together.

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**A/N**: I written this chapter as quickly as possible since I'm heading out to my friend 21st birthday party, but I did this for you guys ^_^

so let me know what you like/dislike, you know...the whole nine yards =)

**Happy Mothers Day...this goes out to the single Fathers too **=3 keep up the good job


	9. My Addiction

**A/N**: Sorry for the late update but I couldn't find my binder lol I wanted to say thank you to the new readers for taking your precious time to read it even if you didn't have to

Umm I don't really have much to say in this author note besides if there's any corrections that need to be made let me know =3

Yes this is chapter Seven **not** chapter Nine ^_^

**Chapter Four: Finding My Way 1&2** is one chapter but just so happen it was split in two due to my computer having a bitch-fit -_-

Now Dudes an Dudettes, enjoy the story ;)

**Disclaimer**: I do not own bleach

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**My Addiction**

**Chapter Seven** (**182**)

Looking out the window; I sensed them. Emi and Grimmjow relish in each other's encirclement. How I know? Simple, her spiritual pressure flickered like a light bulb next to his. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know what they were doing, but I need one for the way I'm feeling.

They were far from the castle and I thought of going to them, taking my gaze from the direction I felt them in; I advanced to the exit of the castle, hands trembling in my pockets. Nobody needs to know why my body is quaking on the inside, or why my breathing has become more infrequent, they just need to know that now is not the time to even look at me the wrong way. Thankfully there was no one in sight, but to be cautious I didn't show any signs that I was uneasy…something that was easy for me since I never showed that much emotion in the first place.

I can still sense her whenever Grimmjow did something to her that she found exceptionally pleasing. The walk was onerous when feeling she was enjoying it. During the pace I registered all of her movements on how she was taking pleasure in his amorous waves specifically done for her. I have no peace of mind; unknowingly acting on impulse with no clue as to what I'm feeling, or what I'm going to do once I see Grimmjow in my sight…or her.

The halls seemed longer than before, I felt like I was gliding more than walking, my head felt light, the very core of me was insubstantial but my desire kept me walking even if I feel like destroying everything around me. I kept the brewing typhoon calm as much as I could. Her Spiritual Pressure disappeared again while Grimmjows was steadier than before.

_**They're done?**_

Her pressure jumped again then disappeared and I felt Grimmjow further away from her, heading out more into the desert. I continued to move to the exit that was just before me, I was still going to her.

What was my reason?

I can just drop her like a bad habit and keep going on where I was before she entered my life. I was fine before her and I'll be fine without her, so why am I still treading to her?

That's an answer I don't know myself.

I was out the castle now, half the sky was filled with the radiant rays of the sun, while the other was filled with the laminating glow of the full moon; where I was walking too.

Quiet odd but it didn't matter to me, I just wante-…no…I needed to see her.

The night sky covered the remainder in an instant once I crossed over from the brightness and right there, I saw Emi. Part of her clothes and a small portion of her hair were masked with sand. She looked up to see me stopping a few feet away from her.

"Ulqui-sama!" she jumped back staring into my eyes.

I had no recollection of how fast I appeared just before her presence but I was looking at the tiny salts that were on her face and seeing how she was shaking; a tremble that couldn't be noticed by the naked eye.

She paid attention to my scrutiny, quivering more vigorously than before.

Looking down her revealing shirt where there was a pink mark in between her chest, then I looked to the light pink spot on her neck; fading back to her creamy skin color.

Heedlessly I traced my finger along the pink spot on her neck as her body stiffened to my touch, "What happened?" looking into her petrified eyes now.

She started stuttering, "I-I u-uh…"

I slowly brought my hand around her neck, stroking her throat with my thumb, "I asked you what happened," my voice was cold and I knew that.

_**Was I striving off of the fear I planted in this woman?**_

Yet another answer I didn't know.

Still stroking her throat my hand started to tighten into a hold. I already knew what happened between her and that brute, but depending on her answer…I will destroy her.

"Me a-and…" she looked from my eyes but I brought her face to mines.

If she can see what I'm feeling then I want her to look at me, I needed to know what I'm feeling but she was shaking to the point of vibrating.

"Are you scared?" looking down to her.

"I'm not,"

"Then why are you trembling?"

"B-because I'm cold,"

I did an inspection of her figure in disgust, "Trash…"

A sharply toned, "What?" manifested to the air between us.

I brushed it off, "Do you know what I'm feeling right now?"

"Yes," her tone was low.

"What am I feeling?" my eyes never moving from hers.

"Anger, fury, rage…" she looked from me again but I yanked her face with my free hand to look back at me.

"Why do I feel this?"

"I don't know," glaring at me but her body still quailing.

A cero started forming in my hand before I could recuperate that her neck was still in my grasp, "I will not repeat the question," my hold tightening around her.

Her soft voice spoke, while I still held her; the energy formed along her skin, "Me and Grimmjow kissed,"

"Why?" I had no intentions on asking that but my emotions were my pilot and for the purpose getting to the root of her betrayal.

She let out a minor cough as my hands coiled while the force in my palm grew, "Because I felt the need to,"

"Just like I feel the need to shoot this cero into your neck?"

"Yes," another cough was heard.

I raised her off the floor; choking her, watching her face creased together in struggle, "Would it make me feel the way you did when he bit your neck?" she was writhing against me as I continued, "would it make me happy?"

She opened her eyes now, looking down to me coughing, "Idon't…know…"

"Maybe we should try it out then?" I inquired.

"Do what you must…" coughing to wheezing now, "I can die knowing that I still love you…if…it makes you happy, then do it,"

"If you loved me, then your lips would've been for only me, not for me and him…you're not even worth being called trash," the words were harsh but I was only telling her my truth, talking out of an emotion I had no clue about but it felt good.

"If I'm lower than trash…why do you want to kill me? You wouldn't even lift a finger if I'm so tainted,"

"Because you betrayed me, that deed cannot go unpunished,"

"I see," still looking at me, then she smirked, "you remember that question you asked me on our first date?"

"No," the impetus along her neck was wider now, encasing her face in a green tint.

"The question when you asked why did I smile so carelessly?"

I stood quiet.

"Well…that reason is you," she closed her eyes; her face looked peaceful, "I can't deny it…yes I have developed feeling towards Grimmjow too, both of you hold a special place somewhere inside me that I don't know about myself, but I know it's a wonderful place," she smiled to me now, looking at me without a struggle in those silver globes, "if I'm the cause of your misery then do us both a favor…and kill me,"

The force was beyond my control now and I started to regret it. Some of the energy seeped out of my palm grazing across her skin, leaving a long streak of blood across her cheek, before disappearing away into the air…she's going to die, and I'm the cause of it.

She didn't flinch from the small periodic energy and numerous others that followed all around her; ripping through her clothes and her small lines of her skin.

Before I had time to respond, wishing I can take this back and handle the situation more reasonable instead of acting on impulse, the cero shot from my hand.

The last I saw of her was her serene expression, smiling down to me. That smile she graced me with when I wasn't in the mood for anything. Then the last words she whispered before vanishing from my grip '_Eternal love_'

The blistering cool air took the place of her warmth moments later. Her soft skin that I wanted to make the home for my lips was no more. She was gone now, the point of no return. I wouldn't be able to see that smile that crushed the sunbeams, brightening my inner cold world as I fed off it; my morphine was gone.

I would have to forget everything about her and her teachings; finding all the emotions that were forgotten during my years here. I wasn't done learning since a foreign essence fell from my eyes, a warm clear liquid that I studied on my finger; I'm starting to self-destruct. The need to yell grew but what would it have proved when I did?

I felt my legs give out and I dropped to my knees looking at my hand she was once in, and the little spec of water that traveled down my palm; forming another cero. The energy grew wide enough to erase me from here.

I stared at the white ball with a hint of green to it, in seconds there was a closer view, then hotness took over my whole body; or so it seemed.

_**Eternal love right?**_

My eyes opened slowly to stare at her ceiling.

It was a dream?

I was asleep?

I looked to the side of me to a ruffled material with writing on it.

_This is my first time ever seeing you sleep, so I didn't wake you. I went for a walk I couldn't stay in the room and NOT wake you up…I'll be back soon._

_Emi_

_P.S …you were amazing this morning_

I noticed the pair of lips at the corner of the crumpled matter so I knew it was her lips. I placed the letter to my side resting my hands on my naked stomach.

I must've felt Emi and Grimmjow while I was sleeping because I can still feel them together. I didn't know how to cope with the issue but the dream reassured me of what I need to do.

This was a delicate situation to handle because I'm in love with her. There's no refuting that. So what is a man to do?

_**Patience?**_

I laid in bed going over what to say to her. It felt like five minutes but it already been half an hour. After gathering my words together I wondered where she was now. Grimmjow was back in his chambers and I didn't sense Emi anywhere, until she adjusted her spiritual pressure.

She was walking into the entrance of the castle heading to where I was stationed.

I rose from the bed dressed in her sheets until I flung them off.

She showed me the pleasures behind being in love, the actual affection that we would feel whenever we were in the mood, and different ways to achieving that.

I ran a bath instead of a shower, relaxing the anxiety that was building inside of me.

I heard her bedroom door abruptly open and softly closing when she seen I wasn't in her bed, "My love?" she called out…I didn't know if I should answer that.

"We have something to talk about," her voice was coming near the bathroom.

I already knew what it was but it all depended on her answer that will be the cause of my actions; smirking from the thought.

Her face blessed my vision with her innocence, "We need to talk,"

"I'm very aware of that," looking at her now.

"Well you see…" she looked to the floor then back to me.

I rose from the tub of steaming water, walking to her. It's annoying when I'm exchanging words with someone and they drag it out, it pained me like no other. Standing just before her now, like a patient with the worst case of vestiphobia, I started caressing her neck.

_**She feels real and there's that fading pink mark**_.

She closed her eyes to my touch; she wasn't shaking like she was in my dream and neither did she seem afraid.

"What happened?" I was gambling with myself. The dream taught me about anger, and what I'm capable of doing. I was following where the path of my dream took me too.

Her hand rested on my chest, "I love you," she smiled, "I will forever love you without a doubt in my soul," her eyes looked all over my face, "you might get mad for what I'm about to say…but I'm going to say it anyway because I love you,"

Stroking her throat with my thumb now.

"The walk I went for wasn't really a walk; I went searching for Grimmjow because I wanted him to forgive me for the words I said after you left me in the medics," both of her hands stroked the sides of me.

I stared in her eyes, I can feel my heat rising.

"I wanted him to forgive me, because I can't see a world without him…I can't explain it but I-" her eyes shown disappointment. She looked to my eyes then looked away. I must have that look of anger in my eyes.

My vision faded; I was looking into a sea a gloom with only the trickles of water falling off my naked body and her breathing to be heard.

Unintentionally, involuntarily, compulsorily, I felt my hands tightened around her neck and a gasp that will forever be burned into my skull.

_**XOXOXOXOXOXOXO**_

I feel like a damn fool; like I can bench press the world just by thinking about her kiss. And the way she moaned while I pushed into her, makes me feel like I got punched in the stomach.

Without out knowing it, there was a smile on my face, which caused awkward stares to my direction while I walked through the main hall again, fuck em, they don't understand how much I wanted that from her.

Tch.

…I feel so pathetic.

But then again it felt damn good having her hands rub against me!

I don't know what type of sorcery she put on me but I feel twice as better than I did a couple of hours ago. Just reflecting about our kiss was enough to get me off; matter of fact, just being near her would do that to me.

I'm so sexually frustrated that I'm getting horny off of something that just happened, like I didn't get any from Loly and Menoly a few weeks ago…keh…that's too long of a wait for me anyway.

At first, the kiss she gave me to 'calm me down' I thought of biting her lips off to get her from pinning me down, but when I did attempt to bite her, one thing led to another and I couldn't help myself from the delicious pucker. It was too good of a chance to switch her to my team instead of the glum asshole Ulquiorra. If she wasn't such a chicken shit I would've snatched her clothing off and showed her who the true king is.

_**Damn I was so close**_!

I started thinking of ways I could have her once she come to my room. The shower, the floor, hanging half way out the window, hell! even the ceiling!

As much as I loathe admitting it, my every thought circled around her. Whenever she attempted to kiss me aggressively; it'll only feel like she was tickling my lips, but I still felt the effort causing me to take it easier on her.

The smile on my face started to vanish, there's some people who could piss you off without even trying, "The hell are you looking at?"

"A fool who's too drunk off love," Szayel spoke walking past me.

_**Ha! Me in love**_? "What you call me?" a smirk on my face.

"You heard me," a sly smile on his.

"It's a little hard of hearing when you're talking out of that asshole you call a mouth," continuing my walk to my room, I heard him snickering behind me and that shit annoyed me, "what's so damn funny?"

"I'm not used to seeing the sexta espada so…ebullient!" he started laughing.

"Meaning?"

"You're not a dumb kid," he waved me off maintaining his walk into the right side of the hallway.

I paid it no attention; I had some freshening up to do if she was coming tonigh-

Whoa.

Hell I'm acting like this?

I sounded like this was my first time. Yeah I do need to get this filth off of me but does she have me this open that I was oblivious to the stench of passion that circled around me? _**A powerful woman she is.**_

The innermost laugh flooded me.

Never have I felt like this about _one_ woman. Of course I had multiple partners out of my years being here…but…something about this one…she has a firm grip on me and she's pulling me more into her.

I didn't give a damn though but I can still be amazed by it right?

She tamed me? Of all people me?

But really who could blame me? A gorgeous woman of her standard pursuing me…'the loose cannon' as they say. It wasn't her looks that made me respond back to her…well yeah her looks to but it had little to do with what piqued my interest. It was that same drive that I had, that was in her; the hate of being looked down on…not something to be proud of but it drove my motivation to become powerful.

She wasn't afraid to speak her mind, and that was another thing I liked about her. I still couldn't get over her calling me a '_pussy_cat' that doesn't sit well with me at all. Later on I'll make her pay for it. Heh.

If I was looking at the situation from outside views I wouldn't have thought the panther king could surrender to this lone wolf. For one thing I didn't even get any from her.

I turned the corner to my room and I felt a powerful spiritual pressure rise, causing the castle to shake for a moment, and then disappear.

She wouldn't be stupid enough to tell Ulquiorra what happened between us so I didn't pay any attention to it. If anything she probably pissed him off for leaving again when he told her to stay. If she does stay with him though, then I know that she was just playing around with me or…I was just too caught up in the heat that I didn't pull away knowing that I would cling to her.

I was curious to know if she was anything like my dream and I had every intention to find out if she was, I didn't want to rush things like that but…come on now…do I really need to explain to myself why?

_**Am I really thinking things through right now**_?

**Shit! I really am.**

I went in my bathroom running the water, undressing, and just standing in it. I didn't want to wash her scent off me, but I was covered in the gravels of the desert, a bittersweet deal it was.

Letting the water hit my face; I tried to drown out my thoughts. I needed to calm down, I can't let her see me like this, bad enough she seen me pissed with her already which I thought was one of the reasons why she hounded me like the wolf she is. She could've just let me stay mad at her but she didn't, which again was surreal.

Knowing me, I never would've asked for someone's forgiveness, but that's me and another trait that distinguish us aside from having somewhat of the same personality.

I acquired a thirst for her; I just had to get her. I wanted to feel her hands over me, I wanted her lips, I needed her body. Whenever I thought of her I felt an irresistible compulsion, she started to become my addiction in just a few hours.

_**She got me.**_

Two hours past and I stepped out the shower, drying myself. I didn't bother to get dress since our clothes were coming off anyway, and if they weren't…well how can she resist me?

I walked to my bed sitting on the edge wrapped in a towel still. I collapsed on my bed after another hour passed, arms folded behind my head growing impatient.

Waiting…

And waiting…

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**A/N**: I must say that it was hard portraying Grimmjow in this chapter I haven't seen him within the acts of love so you know lol...but hopefully I painted that picture for you lol

...lord knows I want to see him in love lol...anywho I hope you enjoyed

Let me know what you liked/disliked...blah blah...whole nine yards...blah blah

;) till next time


	10. Sing My Song

**A/N**: Man I didn't know what direction I was going with this story but BAM! here it is. It's a bit lengthy and I know it's not exactly what you readers expected but trust me on this, it'll have all the juicy answers you wanted in later chapters...but do pay attention to Emi's POV that's all I'm going to say.

If there are any corrections that need to be made please fear not, I want to become a better writer and I can't achieve that if you guys don't tell me...come ooon...I'll only bite a little lol

Anywho I will warn you that there is a bit of smut in here so those who don't like to read graphic sex themes...or whatever you call them...don't read this chapter. However, stick with me till the next :D

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Bleach...Only my OC Emmy "Emi" Amaya XD

Now I hope you enjoy this read as I did writing it...*patiently waits in corner facing-palming self over extreme nervousness*

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**Sing My Song**

**Chapter Eight (182/181)**

I knew she wasn't coming. Why the hell did I even get my hopes up? I knew this bullshit was going to happen.

My teeth started grid together for how pissed I was. I threw the towel off me; flinging my sheets over me laying down sideways to face the window.

Like a painting on a wall since the scenery was just as exquisite. The moon was out, fuller than a glass of milk, encasing everything in its pure blue tint. The sand of Huenco Mundo was brighter than it was than the day time, giving the desert a mysterious glow.

A deathly breeze flattened the sheets out, falling perfectly on my waist and covering the rest of my lower half.

_**I fucking hate her.**_

The scowl on my face is going to take forever to get rid of. The thought of killing her was enflamed on my expression. I can kill her and not feel bad about it, especially right now.

Let's get this straight, I don't give a damn if I kissed her and felt on her more than she did me, it was her fault for kissing me first! That bitch was the one that led me on!

…_**And I followed like a dumbass**_

I felt the tension my body built slowly fading away. I closed my eyes in hopes of getting some sleep instead of thinking about her.

_**Impossible**_.

Why the hell is she torturing me?

I get it, yes I destroyed her stomach; she wanted a challenge so I gave it to her. Maybe it won't feel the same way it did before to her, but this is just ruining me, I didn't ask for all of this in return!

Feeling the little fragment of sanity slipping away I considered myself becoming a madman. I'm basically the puppet and she's the puppeteer.

_**Dammit!**_

Gripping the pillow tighter out of frustration, instead of punching a hole through my bed, I tried my best going to sleep. I haven't slept all day yesterday, I need some rest. This is tiring me out; I'm no longer fighting this one trifling battle that I can't seem to win no matter how many times I dust myself off trying again.

Moving on from it is out of the question though. I needed her…badly. She made me feel something towards her and I enjoyed the feeling. Call me a masochist I really could care less.

I'm helping her in torturing myself; I started to get a bad taste in the back of my throat whenever I thought of her.

My mind is almost Swiss cheese. I want to kill her and I want to…_**FUCK!**_

_**If I can't have her then no one can!**_

Stuck in my thoughts I had no idea there was a presence in back of me, and that refreshing scent.

A warm soft hand traced my side moving to my stomach, resting just above my hole.

I felt her warmth on the back of me. The silk material that covered her breast pressed against my back and her lips on my shoulder blade moving to the top of my shoulder, then to my neck. I closed my eyes to her kisses and to her touch that wooingly rubbed my side, relieving me of the inner tension.

Her nose grazed my neck, to my ear, and then to my scalp as her lips kissed my auricle before her velvet voice spoke into me, "Sorry to keep you waiting like this,"

Still pissed at the thought of her standing me up, I couldn't help the words, "You think you can come in here, giving me another bullshit apology, and then seduce me?"

I was still facing the window, lying on my side as her left leg stretched over my waist while I felt her right against my legs. Due to me feeling just the silk fabric and the warmth of her bare stomach, I assumed she was in nothing but under garments.

Resting her lips lightly on my ear softly speaking, "This is just fine with me," kissing in my ear again.

My pants would be on fire if I were wearing any because this was turning me on; acting like it wasn't was the hardest task I had to do in my hollow days. The woman I desired and yet hated to the core was half naked underneath my sheets; talking to me in a quiet, seductive but never forced tone.

I lay still; silently lusting for her.

"Seems you were really waiting for me," nibbling on my ear.

I was a damn good actor tonight, "Nah, I just like sleeping naked," twisting my head to face her, "It gets pretty hot in here," I thought I was done staring at the moon, but apparently I wasn't since two of them stared back at me.

Her hair was loose, making her undeniably gorgeous; although the word it's self is an understatement. If I were dreaming, this'll be one time I do not want to wake up…ever.

"Your body is freezing," talking into my face.

She reached for my lips and I quickly turned my head back to the window, "What're you doing here anyway?"

"If you want to know about what happened between me and Ulquiorra just ask,"

"Fuck it then," turning my body to the celling, "What happened between you and that killjoy?"

"He's giving me space,"

"Space?"

Her leg still rest over my waist now, her hand resting on my left pec, using her elbow as support of keeping a safe distance between my lips and hers; staring into my eyes as well, "He's giving my heart space to decide,"

"HA! So you think I'll be okay with this? Playing with me like some goddamn toy so you can come to a decision of who you 'want' the most? Fuck off sweetheart I'm not up for those games,"

Without my consent she pressed her lips against mines, throwing her tongue in my mouth. I bit it, not too hard, but hard enough to cause her to flinch and bring her tongue back into her mouth. I smirked, "That's not going to work right now,"

Her eyes shut together from the thumping pain, "Asshole," she mumbled and laughed, "but it's not what you make it seem as,"

I was quiet, still watching her as she straddled me placing my hands on her hips.

I couldn't control the part of me that began to grow. I started to get a hold of myself…barely hanging on. The room started to get hot; realizing that it was only me.

She leaned forward on her palms her face towering over mines. She stared into my eyes for a swift moment before bringing her face closer to me; brushing her lips against my slightly parted lips, "I was infatuated with you when I arrived here…getting to know everyone, but you never paid any attention to me, only when I stared at you, or flirted with you," placing a slow, sultry kiss on my lips, " but after seeing my actions go to waste, and constantly pissing you off, I left you alone, and moved on to Ulquiorra,"

Slightly annoyed I blurted, "Now you're in love with him,"

Sighing into my chin, "You're missing the big picture,"

"So paint it over!" growing more frustrated.

"It's evident that I love Ulquiorra, but…you have a hold on me like never before, like I told him, I can't see a world without you in it,"

_**Is that right?**_ I was quiet; taking in her words.

"I'm not in love with you but I'm drawn to you in a way that can evolve into…love,"

She moved from my face to sitting back on my pelvis moving my hands to trace her vague four pack, to her heavy breast; her lenient hands influenced my large ones to squeezing her soft flesh. Making her moan to the sensual fondle.

Feeling her nipples hardened underneath the silk fabric in my palm made me lick my lips, "I want you Grimmjow…" her voice trailing off into another moan.

Smashed off pure lust and absent-mindly speaking, "I want you too,"

_**I already said it…now there's coming back.**_

She leant down again kissing longer than before; I laughed when her kiss ended, she was cautious this time, "No tongue for this one?"

Sweeping my lips with hers again, she smiled, "So you can bite me again?"

I smirked, taking her bottom lip into my teeth to bring her closer; throwing my tongue into her mouth. She accepted my demand for entrance; sucking on my tongue as if she was drinking my soul.

Finishing off our caress, I couldn't help the burning question, "So what really happened between you and Ulquiorra?"

"Do we really have to get into that right now?"

"That's not an answer,"

She gave me an annoyed glare then moved from on top of me to the window. Gazing into the infinite desert that shown bright from the light of the moon, sighing into the chilled air, "He gave me space…like I said,"

Still lying in bed, looking to the back of her classical hour glass shape, "Don't lie to me,"

Shaking her head, "Does my answer not convince you?" looking back to me.

"Hell no…its bullshit and you know it," sitting on the edge of the bed looking to her now.

She turned her focus back to the desert.

Leaning against the window, the wind blew her hair off her right shoulder exposing her back that called for my lips to explore. Cutting my eyes to what I was about to do I lift myself off the bed; walking to her, "What happened?" unexpected to hear, but my voice was less angry.

"I'm falling for another guy,"

"Hmph, that can't be healthy," wrapping my arms around her waist, kissing her naked shoulder to the side of her neck, then licked the right side of her face.

She leant against the window, using her palms to support her body; pushing her lower half into my bare pelvis.

I felt the heat emitting from her desirable cave that I wanted to drown myself in. Swinging her hair to the left of her, she gave my tongue more of her skin to discover. Still pressing against me she continued her tale, "I…don't know what it is about you,"

Still kissing her neck while she tried her best to finish, "I don't know if I want to have casual sex with you or make love to you,"

"Why don't we try both then?"

A quiet chuckle rumbled up her spine, "It's not that easy," turning to face me, "I don't want to do anything with you just yet,"

Pressing my body to hers I motioned her chin with my finger to look up towards me, "Why are you here then?"

"I don't know,"

"You're confused about a lot of things and yet you stand right before me…you think I'm your personal punching bag or something?"

"You're far from that silly, I'm just stuck for right now…I thought moving from you to Ulquiorra would change the fact that I wanted to be your warrior, but now…I fell for one and just by standing in front of you…like this…I can't help but to want more than sex with you,"

_**Damn she has a way with words!**_ I didn't know whether to throw her from the window or just hold her close to me.

I stood there, numb to her words; staring into her islands of steel. _**Should I touch her? Kiss her again?**_

"Grimmjow…" a whisper she spoke in, "I can't read you at all…please say something so I can stop feeling like this,"

I didn't know what to say. Two days ago she told me she hated me and here she is, right in front of me with an unsure choice of words of whether she hate me or falling for me, "What is it you want me to say?" I felt my eyebrows furrowed together.

"Anything," sighing out the word.

I stroked her jawbone, as she still faced my lips, "I thought you hated me?"

"Oh yes, absolutely," turning her back to me now, "especially for making me feel this way,"

This was going on long enough; I turned her body to me, smashing my lips on hers with enough aggression to sit her on the window seal. Her hands pushed against my stomach trying to move me away from her.

She was weak against my sudden crush. She has enough strength to send me flying to the door but for some offbeat reason it was almost like she waited for me to do so.

Her hands traveled around my waist bringing me into her.

_**I knew it.**_ Smiling during the kiss.

She moved from my lips to my chin, then to my neck, licking my sternum, then licked across my left collar bone, to my shoulder.

I saw the handprint wound on her neck, unknowingly bringing my right hand to trace over the hazy bruise.

Feeling my finger trace over the mark; her movements stop.

"Grimmjow…" she lightly spoke, "I-"

"Don't say anything,"

"But,"

I immediately started kissing her aching skin; her hands traveled to the back of my shoulders, closing me more into her. Shaking during the touch, "I had to get away from him," she spoke into my shoulder, "he was hurting me…but he didn't know it,"

"Obviously he did dummy," what she said just pissed me off.

"You wouldn't understand anyway," still holding me.

"Make it brief,"

She moved her chin off my shoulder to stare into my eyes, searching for a few minutes before saying, "You hate me,"

"What?"

"I said you hate me, your eyes are telling me that,"

"How can you tell what I feel from looking in my eyes?"

"That's how I can tell that Ulquiorra didn't mean to hurt me,"

There was a silence.

"I can read people just by looking into their eyes…back to when I was living I was called a witch in every direction I turned to. I saw ghosts, I read how people moods were, and seen that whenever I was around someone I made them weak, my grandmother told me that my mom was the same way, since she seen my dad, who my grandmother called an angel,"

I would say that this bored me…but I actually wanted to know what it was about her.

She held me closer to her, "I don't remember much about my death all I know is that I was starving and walking all that I could through the forest to the shimmering moonlight in the ocean, then I started crawling when my feet dug into the sand far enough for me to fall, making my way to the waves that ran smoothly against the shore. I knew my death was coming for me, this one dog kept following me everywhere I went. I knew it was a spirit but I didn't know from where…I made it to the water just enough to get my hand wet, I couldn't move any further so I laid where I was, the wolf spirit came to lay next to me, as my breathing was getting…slower…I used that last little bit of strength to touch it…surprisingly it was warm, I tried to smile, taking in the view of the moonlight before my eyes closed on me. The last I felt was the water taking me into its hold…then I woke up over there,"

She pointed into Huenco Mundo.

_**No hollow can just wake up there**_, "How did you just wake up over there?"

"I don't know myself…I was still in my human form with stronger hearing, smelling, and speed. I felt better than I did when I was alive, I felt stronger. I ran into Halibel five years after that, she classified me as a vasto lorde she then waved it off when I asked what was a vasto lorde?, she said something about being beyond that, but I didn't feel as if I was so she showed me the ropes for survival, and then Aizen came, taking us under his wing."

_**Something beyond a Vasto Lorde? What the hell was she then?**_

"All that doesn't matter now, I'm content. I like it here," kissing my chest, "I know you hate me…but for now can you pretend not too?"

"I'm still trying to figure out how you know I hate you,"

"It's one of my many talents, happy?"

"Right…"

Smiling she intertwined my lips with hers pushing me back; falling onto the bed. Climbing on top of me, she rested her silk on top of me pelvis. I would've been fully erect if she didn't tell me her story but she did, now I'm stuck with questions knowing that I should just mind my business…what class was she before she was turned arrancar? Who the hell was her father? And why is such a bird caged?

_**XOXOXOXOXO**_

I don't know what's gotten into Grimmjow but he isn't reacting the way I wanted him to. I was waiting for him to take what was left of my clothes off but he laid there, only his eyes trailing my every move.

I took the secured piece of fabric off my breast, tossing it in back of me, still nothing.

It was when I slid down the edge of the bed placing myself in between his legs; I stroked him, readying my lips to take him into my mouth until he grabbed me, yanking me back to straddling him by my elbows, "What's up with you?" smiling to him.

With a shocked expression he stared at me, "You don't have to do that,"

I laughed again, "I wanted to see if you would snap out of your daydream if I attempted too,"

"I wasn't day dreaming…It just wouldn't feel right if you did it?"

"Huh? So you rather someone else?"

"Yes," his tone was serious.

"Well that was really comforting,"

"Until you get your shit together, maybe then," he threw me to the side of him climbing on top of me, "so while we wait…" taking my left breast into his mouth, my nipple hardened against his rough tongue, circling around it then licked it, "I'll be doing all the catering,"

Slyly laughing, since I had no problem with that negotiation, "Oh really?"

He did the same to my right breast, saturating my sensitivity with his saliva, "Really,"

I felt his fingers grasp the one layer of clothing on my body, ripping my underwear off my lower half, "That kind of hurt,"

"If you're looking for apologies…try someone else," Kissing my hips.

I reached for his face before he buried himself deep within my thighs, smiling at him as he looked to me, "You don't have to do that,"

"I don't have a choice, I've been wanting to do this for a while now,"

He moved to the edge of the bed kneeling down on the floor as he yanked me close to the edge, my legs on his shoulder, and his arms clasped tightly around them. Rising to the support of my elbows; I looked to him.

He smirked, "Don't run,"

"What do you me-" I gasped, and then moaned. Feeling how what used to run deep in my throat was now massaging my inner walls. Moving to the left twice then to the right; initiating me to move my hips in a circular notion.

Gripping the sheets underneath me; everything was slowing down; like the pure rain drops of time, just me and him in the dark void of a room, our skin being the only source of light glowing from the brilliant blue tint of the moon, and my cries of pleasure that his tongue guided out of my frame.

Needing more, my hand moved to the scalp of his head; grabbing his root to push him further. My left leg started twitching once he hungrily growled into me.

I arched my back, I wasn't ready to explode on to him but it was hard fighting against the stimulus. My body was giving into the pleasure but my mind cause me to do one thing he told me not to. Without knowing it, I pushed off of his broad shoulder with my foot, grabbing whatever it was above my head to escape his reign, but my effort to make him lose his grip on me went to waste.

I should've known it was futile, unwise, and stupid. I felt a push of a euphoric sensation covering my build. I started shaking grabbing the bed harder, making my mark on the mattress as feathers gracefully floated to the light wind above me.

A husky moan escaped the back of my vocals, throwing my head back as furthest it can go.

After the numbness was gone, I felt him lapping up my juices, my leg started to twitch every time his tongue grazed me. I was panting, as a mustache of sweat covered my top lip. _**What the hell did he just do to me?**_

Kissing my right thigh as he rose from the floor back to the bed, he then spoke, "That'a girl," rubbing my stomach, "You owe me a bed,"

Lazily laughing to the ceiling, I looked down between my thighs seeing him kissing my left ankle; eyes closed. I looked further down to see him leaking and fully erect.

He looked back towards me placing my leg back on the bed, my knees brushing the sides of him; I didn't want everything to be over. I broke the silence in the air, "So what now?"

"We sleep,"

"But I won't be able to,"

He smirked, "How might I assist ya then?"

I laughed again, "I'm curious to know how you will help me get some sleep?"

He leaned forward his masculine frame towering over me, kissing my neck as he bit the same spot that gave me chills, that electric feeling that shook my physique. Hissing out a moan, then a shriek once the head of his erection penetrated my entrance.

I looked past his shoulder down his back to see his ass slowly moving downwards between my thighs. The feeling was as if I was being crushed in that exact area and yet splitting into two. I pushed against his waist while my free hand grabbed his shoulder, my nails deep in his skin.

Still feeling his smirk against my neck, he spoke in a low tone, "Leaving your mark huh?"

I screamed once all of him was inside me, he moved his hips sideways grinding into me. Then his rhythm started singing within my body to how much he wanted me, at how much he wanted this. Slowly moving the lyrics out of me then back into me with deeper meaning, each thrust stood on their own making sporadic moans flow smoothly out of me, "Grimmjow," I whimpered.

He groaned, "What?"

"Harder!" I yelped.

Feeling him smirk against my neck, "You sure?"

I wasn't so sure after that, "Mm-HAI! Yes I'm…sure!"

Without further talking he raised on his knees, still gored inside of my love, putting my legs back on his shoulders then leaning back down to my face. His hips and my body were the only two moving.

I felt him grip the sheets harder near my head as he broke down, aggressively biting the right side of my neck, sending another electric waved over the rapture I was already feeling. I was about to explode again. He felt my walls closing in on his member that solidified inside of me. Long-stroking me and grinding into me once more; he removed himself.

He moved to a different part of the bed leaving me spread out on the mattress, fighting for air and too intoxicated off the trance he sent me though to move my legs, or my body for that matter. I found a paradise in this man, this god, my…king.

**My king? Heh that sounds nice.**

I sat up, legs still shaky, I looked to my side where he sat on his hind legs; waiting for me. I looked to his body part that singed my song, shimmering to the moonlight from my wetness. I crawled to him and he watched my every move.

"Emi?" He softly spoke when I was just in front of him, kissing all over his face.

"Yes my king?"

_**Shit! I actually called him that!**_

"Hmm? Since when I became your king?"

"It slipped my mind," I smirked, "but since it's out there…for now will you be my king?"

He kissed my lips longer than predicted.

"I take that as a yes," Pulling away from his caress and using the support of my arms I moved my pelvis on to his, guiding his member back into me. Gasping again, my stomach started moving in waves on to him. His left arm wrapped around my waist while his right palmed the mattress, digging his face into my neck again as my head was thrown back.

I started circling my hips; I wanted him to feel all of my song. I felt myself coming to my break, as my pace started speeding. He groaned and I started shaking; letting another harsh moan escape me as I climaxed on him. He broke down again, as a low raspy, sexy, and subtle grunt was stamped on my neck while we laid back on my bed, pushing more of him deeper into me as he explode a large load.

After satisfyingly tiring each other out; we laid here, basking in each other's essence, the aroma of hardcore sex, and sweat.

"I could bite you right about now," quietly laughing into his shoulder and lovingly rubbing his sides.

"You might start me up again," kissing my shoulder.

His body succumbed to me gently rubbing his sides, seeing that he was almost asleep I grabbed the sheets tossing them over us. I didn't move much as I still wasn't use to his size and he was still between my legs. I did place a kiss on his fatigued stature.

I looked to the left side of me seeing his eyes halfway close, so I jokingly blew it his face. Fully opening his eyes, "The hell is your problem?"

"I smiled, "Nothing, go back to sleep," rubbing his sides again. His face snuggled into the side of mines closing his eyes once again.

Ulquiorra clouded my mind. I never would've thought he would even harm me. Of course he didn't mean to…right?

I rather tell him the truth than to keep it away from him…you know.

I kind of figured he would've killed me if he didn't stop himself but he didn't and there's no way I'm going back to that…but…dammit I know if I see him again…I…I

Sighing into Grimmjow's shoulder which wasn't my intention, he moved closer into me, which means deeper into me, I flinched because he's…well yeah…still inside.

"My bad," he groggily spoke into my ear, raising himself out of me, but back to resting on top of me; snuggling back to the same spot of my face.

'_174 days you have to choose who you want to be with, Until then..._'

Ulquiorra's words were on repeat in my head

I have more than enough time to choose so I wasn't worried. My eyes were closing themselves, listening to Grimmjow's steady breathing; I started to breath in sync with him.

Atleast for now I didn't have to worry…right?

* * *

**A/N**: Don't know about you guys but my face was beat-red reading it over. I mean come on, Grimmjow is just so damn...*starts singing 'tempting to touch...tempting to touch'* lol

Well, stick around for Ulquiorra's and Emi's POV in the next chapter, we can then see what really went on in her room AND how he feels now that he knows what Emi and Grimmjow done with each other.

I so can't wait MASELF! XD

Let me know what you like/dislike...yada yada...flames are accepted...blah blah...whole nine yards...you know...go on a rampage XD

~IROAR

Grimmjow: so you think I'm tempting to touch?

Me: *faints*


	11. To Have and To Hold

**Irah's Note: **Let me just start by saying my apologies for updating so late, but I was in the hospital from a hiking accident, got a bit banged up since I fell off a rock, but I am okay ^_^

Once again thank you too **XD-kaycee**, **R.I.P. Lynn**, **Darcy Delaine**, **xfang-girlx**, **Leyshla Gisel**, and last but not least **Lilarin **(_I'm going to keep thanking you guys so deal with it! XD_) also to those that favorite and subscribed to my story.

Well I can say that when I was writing this chapter in my notebook I was influenced by the series **Ghost in the Shell** song called **'Inner Universe'** that i've been trying to find since I was in the eigth grade and that was in 2005 lol I was listening to it on constant repeat in my hospital bed (even fell asleep to it) so if you want to get the feel that I got I would advise you guys to listen to song, Yoko Kano and Origa on a track is just simply breath taking! GAH! I would say it should be the soundtrack for this story if you understand the lyrics.

**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own Bleach_

**Claimer:**_ Emmy "Emi" Amaya is mines *death glare*_

anywho I hope you do enjoy it as much as I did writing it. Afterall you guys...yes you reading this...has motivated me to do so :D *bows out the way* enjoy my lovely's

* * *

_**To Have and To Hold**_

_**Chapter Nine**_

He looks so peaceful. I couldn't imagine that his face would have such an expression since he always wore a natural scowl. His eyebrows were at ease, his lips marginally parted, his eyes were close and a gentle breathe that blew against my face resulted in his frequent moving chest. I knelt on the black marble floor as he slept peacefully near the edge of the bed. Drops of water fell near his face since I was still dripping wet from the hot shower I took. I had to since I want to leave before he awoke. I had not a clue to what happened last night, I don't know if I want to remember…or do I?

The soreness of my thighs tells me that what happened wasn't something that I would do if I knew what was going on even if it was with him. But it happened; now where do I go from here?

Of all the things that I remembered it was Ulquiorra's hand around my neck, hurting me, then a pair of eyes that had waves of water crashing in the midst of their irises. Must've been…him.

I stared at him, taking in his unperturbed countenance to savor this moment. For once out of the 124 years of knowing him he looks calm, approachable. Being inches away from his face and yet so close tempted me so I placed a small quiet kiss on his slightly parted lips. Where the urge came from would've been the question if I knew the answer but I wanted to without a purpose because it felt…right.

I felt drawn to him more than I should've been. If I hadn't kissed him after the fact of finally catching him when he ran away and told Ulquiorra what went on between me and Grimmjow this never would've happened. I had no complaints about it although I did castigate myself for the action. He's gorgeous while still oblivious to the factual statement which made him even more beautiful.

His breath tickled my lips while they were placed on his, then I felt his lips move in harmony with mines. It caught me off guard. I almost jumped back until I felt my body move from the floor to over his body straddling him.

_**What am I doing?**_

His arms lazily wrapped around my waist and our kiss deepened than a few seconds ago. His eyes were still closed then I started to close mines. My tongue moved with an aspiration of exploring more of his mouth. I licked the roof of his mouth, down his throat, to the back of his tongue, then to the front row of his teeth. This resulted in him turning over, laying me flat on my back. He kisses me again lastly biting my bottom lip before he moved to my top, then my chin all the while unraveling my towel.

_He's the one you want_…_He's the one you desire_

_**What?**_ I frantically looked around the room searching for the owner of the soft but menacing voice all the while I'm still enjoying his kisses against my skin.

_Don't fight him…He's the one you love right? Right? RIGHT?_

**The hell, who is that?**

No answer.

Instead I felt Grimmjow eyes were on me instead of his lips, "What's wrong with you?"

"Huh?" still looking around, "What do you mean?"

"You started breathing heavy,"

"N-no…I uh…" I trailed off to sitting up using the support of my arms, looking around the room then back to him while tying the towel back around me, "…I don't know,"

An inquiring expression smacked on his face, "The hell is wrong with you?" the back of his hand moved to my fore-head. His voice was demanding, scaring me out of my thoughts of who owned the hauntingly beautiful voice.

"I have to go," I hopped off the bed walking to the door until he quickly grabbed my wrist with enough force to rip my arm off if I was a mortal being.

"No!" I turned to look at his hand roughly around my wrist, then to his frown, "Stay here…stay with me!"

His eyes told me not to go back with Ulquiorra and I wanted so hard to turn away from his eyes but I couldn't, "I can't,"

"Dumbass he'll kill you once you're out of my sight,"

"No…he won't hurt me," I smiled.

"I'm not chancing it! He already hurt you once…Dammit stay with me!"

'Please'…his eyes told me again.

"Grimmjow…" I caressed the side of his face with the hand he still held on too. He closed his eyes to my touch as I eased his left eyebrow out of his usual scowl, "…I have to go,"

I leant down wrapping my arms around his neck.

He returned the embrace. I didn't flinch against his fold, I trusted him to let me go when I would pull away. He talked into my shoulder, "Don't go," his voice was more pleading than before but he still kept the roughness of his manly persona with it.

Unintentionally I kissed the crook of his neck, "I have to,"

Moving away from him and last of all touching the tip of his fingers, I gave him a warm smile. His eyes told me once again to 'come back' before I closed the door behind me, leaving him sitting on the bed. I heard a loud noise that sounded like a cannonball destroying a hard surface.

…_**I'm sorry**_

…_You're killing him._

I look behind me to see where the voice came from but there was no one. I slowly turned to face in front of me, the voice fading from my thoughts as Ulquiorra was now my minds priority.

From what the picturesque scene I got out of Grimmjow's window it was still dawn so no one was up this early besides…him.

Instead of using sonido, I walked slowly. It would've been quicker but I remained calm and unmoved by my desire to hurry. I wasn't prepared to face Ulquiorra especially with only a towel around me that was consumed by Grimmjows lavender musk.

Did I blackout last night? All I remembered was Ulquiorra, then next thing I know Grimmjow is lying sound asleep on the side of me dressed in sheets from his waist down, and so was I lying flat on my stomach. It doesn't take much thought that I submerged myself in his wrath of pleasure…I was there but not mentally and from the looks of things he wanted more…and so did I.

The fact that I do want to repeat whatever happened between us last night out of curiosity scared the hell out of me. I couldn't bring myself to not think about the possibilities of us mingling with each other and I couldn't stop thinking about Ulquiorra.

What have I done to these two?

…_your heart is withering away._

I look to the side of me expecting to see someone near my ear since the voice was so close…but no one.

Then Ulquiorra's words repeated over and over the number '174' I remember the cold words he spoke into my face before I pried open his hands.

"_**Do you love him?**_"

"**Not…yet**,"

I remember saying that because it was the hardest words to speak from my throat drying out despite being choked.

"…**I see**," his eyes didn't blink from me.

They spoke '_Help me_,' He started to lose his balance a little but still kept a firm grip on my neck.

I rubbed the back of my head as I walked, that was when he would have caught his balance if he didn't have me in his hand.

"**I will not force you to be with me…**" He grabbed his head with his free hand, "**however, in 174 days I will fix this little…problem of yours and I guarantee you will not like the veracity of the issue but your decision will be much easier**,"

"**You can't do that!**" His grip tightened around my throat, hushing my cries.

"**I can, just like you can frolic with that behemoth of a man**,"

I was quiet.

"**You should be more grateful that I'm giving you a head-start of eight days until count down**,"

"**I've never called you out of your name, but you are acting like an asshole!**"

"…**Please, let's not retort to vulgarity**," his hand loosen from my throat and I dropped to the floor on my knees. He leant against the wall with his now free hand still holding his head towering over me. I rubbed my throat glaring at up to him.

I could still see one of his eyes was still focused on me. I was angry, mad, regardless if he was stronger than me, I black out. I still don't remember much after that. No matter how many times I went over the incident.

I looked behind me when I heard a ghostly laugh but no one was behind me. What makes matters worst is that I would've sensed someone if they were there.

My hand went back to caressing my throat while I held the towel up, still walking towards my room which was in clear view. The walk was shorter than expected.

I pranced to the door, opening it to a surprising guest, "Halibel-sama? What are you doing here? Especially at this hour,"

"I came to see what you were doing an if you were okay, I haven't seen you in a couple of days," she opened her eyes, "besides I took the girls to train which is one of the reasons why I stopped by your room,"

"Sorry to worry you, I should've talked to you sooner,"

She sat cross legged on my bed and arms folded along her indecently covered breast, "I told you not to get reckless,"

"I didn't that's the thing…at least that's what I think,"

"What did you get yourself into now?"

"Well I have no idea what happened last night. All I remembered is that I told Ulquiorra what happened between me and Grimmjow and that was all,"

"Hmph, you weren't supposed to rekindle things with Grimmjow in the first place. Besides I thought talking to him was a 'dead-end street,'"

"Ugh! I kn-"

"Dumbass! You don't know the word discreet?" Appaci came out the bathroom fanning the air before her.

I knew I smelt something foul, but she had her own bathroom to do that! My eyes grew wide, I can tell from the sly smirk that pulled back the corner of her lips, "You didn't!"

"Oh but I did…" her smirked weakened when she saw me ready to attack her.

"Why you nasty bi-"

"Calm yourselves!" Tia hissed.

"Bu-" Appaci was cut off by Tia's raised hand.

"Sh-" now I was cut off by Tia's glare.

After her last attempt to sneak in another degrading remark Appaci gave in, "I'll go find Mila-rose,"

She walked by me bumping my shoulder as she walked out the door, I slammed it hoping that it closed on her ankle but I didn't hear a scream or even her usual expletives.

"…So tell me about your love story,"

"Heh…about that…" I went to sit next to her. Maybe she'll give me some guidance, "…Ulquiorra is pissed with me,"

"He has a right to be,"

"You're not making me feel any better,"

"My sincerest apology but do you plan on taking that away from him too?"

I looked at her, "What exactly do you mean?"

"Hmph," she shook her head her gaze still towards the door, "I don't know much about this 'Love' nor can I even grasp a tiny concept of what this complex substance is but rather than it being an emotion it's more of an idea for us,"

I sat in silence.

"If I were to take a guess love would be more of a contradiction, from what I got humans give their heart to another person trusting them to not run away with it, whereas the entrusted has other options to mend or drop it…of course the latter resulting in 'heart-break'," she looked to me then back to the door, "humans have the luxury to 'explore' their feelings whereas we've been stripped of or emotions," she looked back to me then to my ear, "You see…the diamonds behind your ear that circles into your auricle?"

She grabbed my hand moving my fingers across the hard material into my earlobe.

"That alone makes us different from any human. In order to love someone you entrust your heart to that person and that's something we don't have. Instead, our conscience is in the place for our hea-,"

"Cool! I didn't even notice that!" picking at the remnants, "what is it?"

"It's your past…when you were a hollow,"

"What's a hollow?" from the looks of my question she gave me a ghastly stare and I didn't ask anything further from that.

"Like I was saying," she took one more look at me before turning her gaze to the door and closing her eyes, "we Arrancars don't have anything humane about us. We are spirits built together by thousands of others. Those who are ascended survive which is why we are here. Now for you to bewitch Ulquiorra and Grimmjow is something that I cannot decipher,"

"I haven't bewitched anyone it was their own free-will,"

"Hmm…you smell like Grimmjow,"

I blushed uncontrollably, "It's not me it's his towel…besides at least he smells good,"

"Menoly would not be so pleased,"

"Heh, she can't beat my ass!"

"Never underestimate your opponent,"

"But it's true!"

She shook her head rising to her feet, "You're expecting someone comes afternoon,"

"Huh? Who?"

"You'll see," she was at the door now, flashing me a grin in her eyes before she closed the door.

_**XOXOXOXO**_

**Six Hours later**

Szayel was in front of me his arms out wooing the air in front of him, motioning for me to follow the breathing exercise, "Control yourself Ulquiorra,"

My breathing became heavy. From the looks on Szayel's expression I could tell he never saw me like this.

The shaking was overpowering my body, my breathing frenzied, yet my expression remained the same. It took Yammy all he had to hold me back from exiting out Szayel's lab, "Ulquiorra calm down!" he yelled in another attempt to bring me back from my ire.

I stopped dragging Yammy along with me to the door that was just inches away from my body and Szayels back against it.

"Holding me back is useless,"

"Hell yeah it is, but it's a good work-out I'll give you that much," Yammy removed his arms from the 'bear-hug' around me but it was futile. There's no way he can stop me, that was a true fact considering that in his original form an first release stage he was no match for me.

As for he gets angrier…he'll be able to deal a great amount of damage.

I turned to look at the two. I wasn't apologizing although it was common courtesy. I did destroy half his lab trying to break for the door to go after Emi. Grimmjow I would deal with later on. For now I just have to see her.

"Besides it's not like you're claiming her,"

I came back down from my rage enough so that my ears only caught the last of Szayel's statement, "What did you say?" turning to face one of my brethren.

Szayel fixed his glasses looking to me, "I said…It's not like you're claiming her as your woman,"

I walked over to him, "How do you know what goes on between us?"

This time Yammy intervened in another case of destruction that was about to take place, "Otherwise she wouldn't be with another man!"

I figured that was a silly question on my part, even Yammy was able to put that together. I stopped my tread to tear off Szayel's head then headed for the door.

"Before you leave, you should think twice about harming her again, Aizen wouldn't be so kind," fixing his glasses on his nose

My eyes looked slowly to the side of me. _**Do I argue with a mad-scientist about this situation?**_ "Hmph," that'll be another foolhardy move, "Aizen doesn't have to worry about that any longer," I walked out making it my last words to the duo.

Why does Aizen trust Halibel with her so much? And why is it that he doesn't want her anywhere near Stark?

_**Calm yourself.**_

I would have to see her, I don't intend to hurt her anymore, not because of the repercussions that would take place, but because I simply 'miss' her.

_**Was this right?**_

I have to apologies to her. She ran away from me before I could say anything to her despite the fact that she tried to kill me with her cero. Then again it was a diversion since she didn't aim it straight at me.

Once she was out of my sight, she was gone. Her spiritual pressure went undetected and her reiatsu was just the same as any other fraccion that walked about.

Only way to see her again is if I went to her room…and wait.

That's where I will go. It was already afternoon. I was only allowed twenty minutes with Emi and if I tried anything Tia will personally see to it that she would be the cause of my demise. It wasn't like me to kill when it wasn't needed. I won't allow myself to kill her.

Before I realized it, I was standing at her door. Hand on the crystal nob that she purposely wanted done to her door handle.

_**Do I walk in?**_

_**What should I say to her?**_

_**I'm sorry…I didn't intend to hurt you…Will you be mines?**_

That thought soon disappeared when I remembered giving her six months to decide without even thinking it through.

"Why are you hesitating?"

Her soft voice startled me more than I should've been. I felt the door, feeling her reiatsu through one part of the smooth material than the other part of the smooth surface, "Are you still mad at me?"

"I think I should be the one asking you that,"

Without much unwillingness I spoke, "I forgive you," I could cough at how dry the words were coming from me but they were there. Did I really forgive such an action, especially what she done with him earlier?

There was something wrong with her spiritual pressure then. It wasn't that of a normal hollow, in fact, it was more menacing, more beastly, a monster.

"I don't believe you,"

"I can't be anymore sincere,"

The door cracked showing a silver orb. She was reading me. I stared at her intently trying my best to read her back. Then she opened the door walking back to her bed.

I walked in lightly shutting the entrance. It was oddly dark in her room yet the window was the only brightness. The moon was out still above a bright horizon with a starry night sky. This was our mystical, lonely, and beautiful afternoons.

She sat down on the window seal looking out into the 'day'. I smelled Grimmjow in here which infuriated me further, "Don't you have a question to ask me?" her voice interrupted my thoughts

"I believe I asked were you still mad at me?"

"The other question,"

I expected no less from her, "What were you doing with him?"

"Huh?"

"Shall I repeat the question?"

"…I really don't remember," She grabbed her head before combing her hands through her light-brown locks. The blonde highlights started to turn an ash color if I wasn't mistaken.

"What are your ties to stark?"

"Stark?" Her arched eyebrow rose in question, "...I don't have any ties besides watching that little brat whenever he falls asleep on her,"

I was quiet.

"Why you ask?" she moved off the seal to walk in front of me, those eyes piercing through mines to exit out my skull, chilling my soul during the hypnosis.

"No reason,"

Silence again.

She stood in front of me before a gust of wind brushed against me. It was cool then replaced by her warmth.

_**She was embracing me?**_

My hands remained at my side, I'm no fool, this was the exact same way she would impair my judgment on her.

"I love you," she whispered into my chest, "but I should've thought about this before jumping head first into it,"

I looked to her neck. The sight pained me that my hand was still there printed on her neck, slowly fading away. I looked up to her ear to notice what would be the fragment of her hollow mask. I was so caught up in my scrutiny and how it appeared out of nowhere, that I didn't realize that she was hacking off all links with me.

"…I'm sorry,"

"No need to be, it is what benefits you,"

She looked up from my shoulder to stare in my eyes, until I closed them…tight. She nudges me closer to her and I felt her smile. Then those lips pressed against mines, "It's to get myself together," she spoke passionately against the space between us, "I put you through enough in so little time…you're too good for me,"

_**That last part should've been the other way around.**_

"We should just remain friends with a clean slat-"

I cut her off before she could finish, "I'm afraid I won't be able to contain myself whenever you are near me, I will try to caress you whenever I get the chance too,"

"So we should just end things as is?"

"Not as is but on a clean slate like you said…with the exception being that I will try my best to ignore you and stay away from you,"

It felt like she was in pain but my eyes still remained closed. My deepest desire that she seem to find in my eyes no matter how many times I tried to hide it, would've told her that I didn't want to lose her. That I was in love with her and didn't want her with anyone else, well to be more practical I couldn't see her with anyone else but me. My mind and body belonged to her. Yet I will not show it, not now, not ever.

She held me closer again for our final good-bye. My hands still persisted to stay by my side, fighting the temptation to feel the smoothness of her bare back her shirt would allow to be shown. I will miss this deeply.

She started swaying us slowly side to side.

"What are you doing?" my eyes still closed.

"I can hear it,"

"What nonsense are you talking about?"

"I'm moving to the tune of your heart,"

"I have no he-"

She shushed me with a smooth hiss of her lips, "Can't you hear it?"

"No,"

"Then move with me, I will show you,"

I reluctantly moved in her steps, "What is this called?"

"During my trips to the human world alone I believe _231_ years ago…I use to watch this elderly couple that danced to the sound of the beautiful slow music that was produced from a huge instrument that had the colors of black and white…kind of like what you have on right now," as if her body could consume mines she held me closer, tighter, "they moved gracefully together in a golden atmosphere…just them two…enjoying each other's company," my eyes started to open seeing that her ear was where my heart should be, "the beat from your heart reminds me of that melody two centuries ago,"

My hand found a way to the back of her head as I kissed her scalp. I smelled Grimmjow again, causing me to hold back the anger that spurred from the ground to the exact root of my hair. I held my lips on top of her head as much as I could before I removed her hands from around me pushing her to the bed.

I had to get out, even if I did have a little bit of time to lounge with her. I walked to the door expecting for it to open by the anger that fueled my plea to walk out...

…any second

…turned to...

…any minute now.

I looked down to sees her arms wrapped around my stomach, refusing to unclasp, "Was it not you who wished to end things with me?"

"It doesn't make it any less hard to deal with,"

"…Let me go,"

She bellowed into my back, "No!"

My hand that was fixated on the nob now grazed the skin of her back hand, grasping a small amount of heat she had against my cold palm. I felt defeated but it was a satisfied good-bye for me, before grabbing her wrist, twisting her around, to throwing her a few feet away from me. I was unsure of where she landed. I was gone by that time. I heard her yelp after a loud thump into the pillows, that if I stood correct was in the far corner of her room.

_**That was pretty far.**_

She will forever haunt me. Without a qualm in mind she would still be there. After countless years of knowing her and finally getting to the root of the deep seeded feeling I had for her, was found out to be a mistake, a total waste of time.

_**For what?**_ The question repeated over like a song I would hate, before I finally found the solution to the problem. It was everything that had to do with that blue haired bastard.

At least…I had something to look forward to at the end of what would have been her 'countdown'. It was beneath me…I don't kill if it isn't necessary…but I held it in far enough. He was the one that ruined everything I had going. If it wasn't for him she would be by my side.

Yes…everything was his fault. Killing Grimmjow was an over bearing urge of relief for me, a simple solution that would gratify me. But still…

…Why do I feel so broken?

* * *

**Irah's Rant:** Okay so Halibel's explanation on love was something that I just wrote through non-stop without thinking about it :/ sorry if it was a bit confusing I'll think of a better concept but for now that'll just have to do...I know...boo me!

Ulquiorra was kind of tricky in this chapter as was Grimmjow a little because I can never see him hug someone, although he seems like the unpredictable type eh I don't know about that man lol. So far there is going to be more characters coming into the chapters and Halibel will have her shine too, to those that PM'd me about her and for Stark too but he's later on

Well you guys know what to do when you reach this point. I love reviews and I hope my story was worthy for one. Let me know what you like/dislike what you hated, what you loved, you know...go on a rampage ;)

~Iroarrr


	12. Forgive Never, Forget Maybe I

**A/N**: It's been a while since I updated this fic and I apologies for that. It's shorter than most so I hope you forgive me for that also =/ I don't have anything to say besides thanks to those who continuously read this story over and over ^_^ that should be more than enough motivation for me but I can't seem to get into this fic anymore. Doesn't mean that I'm giving up on it, just have to be a little bit patient with the updates for this fic =/

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Bleach.

I hope you enjoy.

Forgot to say this chapter take place before the Arrancars know who Urahara is. Or anybody in the human world for that matter.

* * *

**Forgive Never, Forget Maybe I**

**Chapter Ten**

The day, or shall I say the night for the past 90 days and one week has become almost relaxing to look at. It was still chilly, cold, and brutal much like accepting the truth and admitting that I was looking at the reflection of me. The top of the castle has become my second home. If, in the day I did not cero someone into nothingness to release some frustration, then I was here at the top, where I belong, doing one thing I would not expect: Thinking…About her.

Occasionally, I'll get a visit from Harribel which to my dismay was hell. All she talked about was her _beloved_ little fraccion, Emi. I have yet to see her, much less touch her, so why the hell would I care if she tells me what I never heard from the horse's mouth?

I still cannot accept the fact that I hated missing her and I could not find myself to do anything about it.

She was one woman that I was open for, and then she just disappears. Aizen on the other hand was furious. He knew about her trips to the human world and seen to it that he would be the one to take action against her. Word got around saying she was a traitor and once they went to her room, she was gone. I told the dumbass to stop her trips.

Shall I say that it is what she deserves?

Yes, I am a little pissed that he wants her dead, but what she did to me was unforgivable and to be honest I would punish her too, if I were allowed to do so. I'll strip her of her honor, then her dignity, making her beg for my forgiveness in front of everyone so they could see the same humiliation she put me through on that gorgeous face of hers. However, I know they will not be able to find her easily. She does not call herself a phantom for nothing.

She is a skilled thief. Stealing my pride, my honor, and running away with my love? Whatever the hell it is that I needed to survive, she even stole away from me every time I was near her.

Not once in this fucked up place did I ever feel embarrassed and I'll be damned if I let some low fraccion come in here and do that to me. Hell, I would gladly accept the mission to destroy her. Except Ulquiorra has that luxury while I'm stuck here _thinking_ instead of _doing _anything.

"Is she still on your mind?"

Harribel's voice, from what I heard, had a maternal hint to it instead of the sedative tone she would usually speak in. Why does she care anyway? It's not like she understand anything that's going on, "I was just thinking about ways to kill your precious Emi,"

She took a seat next to me, crossing her legs over the other, "Hmph, you underestimate her tremendously Grimmjow,"

"What're you goin' to do about it?"

I could not hear it, but I know she was laughing, "Nothing at all. She is a big girl. She can take care of herself. And seeing you in your current condition, I'll have to say that she'll handle you without breaking a sweat"

"I'm pretty sure she can…slut,"

I looked over to her sitting next to me hugging her torso staring out into the vast sea of the never-ending white sand, "She came to me about you before she left…"

"Save it…I don't need to hear anything that woman has said to you," turning back to looking in the dead sky.

"Very well then,"

It was silent, despite the hollow cry far off into the land, and the strong icily wind blowing almost through us. I could deny it all I wanted. I could stick close to my negligence in the issue, and watch her perish under Aizen's lanky foot. Just that cursed feeling would take a hold of me. I was curious, I just have to know what she said, "So wha-"

"She told me to tell you that she was sorry. She did not intend on leaving you the way she did. And coming in from my personal view, she is going through a phase that needs time away from you…and Ulquiorra,"

"Is that all?"

"Unfortunatly,"

"Che, you should've kept it to yourself then. That shit falls on deaf ears,"

I felt her eyes on me but I did not turn to look for sure, "It is obvious you're still lamenting over your departure from her,"

"Not I,"

"Throughout my years in learning about these so called 'emotions' it's better to admit than deny them,"

"Whatever," I stood up, it is already late and I wanted to get some sleep, "save it for someone who actually cares. I'm outta here," I jumped off the dome landing just above the sand before it crunched under my feet. I turned to the entrance walking into the hallway to my section. All this time had gone by and I could not stop thinking about her. All this time, and I still yearned for her.

When she left me that was it. She wrapped her arms around me, big deal! She could have given me more than that if she wanted to make a lasting impression.

_**A lasting impression is what is happening right now stupid**_.

Whatever.

I made it back to my quarters after using sonido to get there, only to meet Loly and her shadow Menoly. I ran my hand through my hair clearing all distress that was limited in my head. They can be such headaches without saying anything. I only needed one of them tonight anyway, the one that did not talk as much, "You, beat it," looking toward that dark haired woman.

She gave me a disapproving look when she walked by me, but I paid no attention to it. Instead, I took my jacket off, walking to the blonde-haired woman that waited near my bed. She looked scared and when I touched her shoulder, it only confirmed it, "The hell's wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry, it's just that I never done this with you by myself," A pink shade crossed her nose connecting to both her cheeks.

"That's right, you were always the shadow of that Loly chick," I grabbed the back of her hair, pulling it so she was looking up to me, pressed against my chest, "I'm here to tell you what to do now. For tonight, you bend to my will. When I tell you move, you move like the wind. When I ask you a question, you answer no matter how loud you scream. When I tell you bend, I had better see your face between your legs. When I tell you lick, you had better lick as if you were making an ice sculpture with your tongue. When I tell you bite, you, for damn sure, bite like you have not seen a decent meal in seven years. Got it?"

Her pupil dilated from shock, speaking in a shaking voice, "Y-yes,"

I smirked, looking into her eye, hoping to see silver but instead met with green, "Good. I know you are a fast learner, and you will get into this habit soon enough. I am your god, you hail to me. Now, close your eye!"

She shut it tightly.

"Kiss me,"

"Where?"

I cut my eyes at her, "Useless," without warning I grabbed her lips with my teeth, then threw my tongue down her throat. She started gagging but I did not care. She pushed against me, backing away to the bed. I was heading that direction anyway. Her ass hit the bed and I looked down at her, my smirk fading. I took a moment to stare at her. I guess the habit of seeing Emi has not died down just yet. I was already seeing some of the resemblance in this woman.

She massaged my thighs, looking to where I wanted her to lick next, "Is there a problem Grimmjow-sama?" looking up to me. I had to admit to myself that her one eye was a flaw that she wore well. I can still see the lust in her green orb.

"Yes there is," I spoke staring back at her

"What is it?"

"Your clothes are still on,"

_**XOXOXOXOXOXO**_

Standing at the beach was not my idea. It was where my feet had led me. Aizen sent me here to look for Emi but I knew it was not going to be easy, after all this is my third attempt. I looked to all the places she showed me were her _favorite._ From the carnival to the park, even the pet store where she found certain toys amusing and communicated with some of the animals there. I found them annoying, especially the squeaking toy. It made me grind my teeth every time she played catch. She even tells me to throw it far, so she can run after it.

I walked along the shore, picturing her still by my side telling me about the island she was born in long ago. I cannot recall such things, such as my death, so I could never relate to her in that area. I looked to where I was stepping, to looking up seeing a ghost of her.

It was something I was use to now, no matter how it made me feel. She, or shall I say the ghost that manifested before me, stood looking to the sunset. Her skin took in the warmness the sunlight produced as the chilly breeze moved her loose hair off her shoulders.

I stood there staring at it. Her head slowly turned to face me, just as she was about to smile the wind blew harder making her fade away, lastly seeing her face.

_**Where are you?**_ I thought to myself, switching from being calm to frustrate from this unsuccessful mission.

I continued walking along the shore, staring before me to see her again, this time sitting on the sand looking directly at me. Wishing that it were really her, I still moved forward. I thought I was used to it, but when I stepped closer to her, taking one more step for my leg to go through her, I could not help but to become angry. She looked to my leg that would be through her stomach, then back up to me teary-eyed. She faded again.

Maybe I was losing my sanity, it is not normal for a ghost to see another ghost. That is what I am, but she is not here with me, she is nowhere near me, so why is it that I am seeing her everywhere I go? She will be in my bed next to me, in the bathroom, even in the meetings with the other Espadas. Thinking about other espadas, I actually gave up the thought in trying to kill Grimmjow. It will be a waste of time. As a replacement, she will take his place. I'll do us both a favor and take out the source of our mutual suffering.

Still, what good would that do?

The question that I always asked myself, to prepare myself for the worst, was, _**what would I do if she were before me? **_Every time I saw her ghost, I would freeze. I would fill with an emotion I have yet to fully experience. She will not get the best of me though.

I took one more look around the city seeing nothing of her, or anything that looked like her. I even picked up a companion that walked with me around the city. It was a dog that followed me everywhere I went, but it was not her. It was a real dog, a lost puppy with a collar on its neck. I stopped walking and it will do the same, I continued this three times telling it that it cannot follow me where I was about to go. The only response I got from it was when it tilted its head.

Judging from the looks of the situation, it was worthless compromising with the unusual being. So I flew away, watching it run in circles, letting out a small bark. I turned my vision back to the sky until I heard it whimper.

I told myself not to look back until it cried again. I landed back on the ground staring at it as it panted, than hopped in circles again wagging its tail energetically. It sat when I walked closer, looking to its red collar.

_My name is fuzzy and if you found me please return me to Urahara's Candy Shop where you will be rewarded._

I looked to the address, then the number on the houses nearby. Figuring that we must have been close by I walked with the pup there. I flew once I saw a red-haired kid, from my assumption, was yelling for the dog name fuzzy and another young kid crying her eyes out until they heard the dog barking at me.

It ran in a circle again until the young girl picked it up cradling it.

By the time they had a chance to look up, I reverted back to Huenco Mundo, with another failed attempt at finding Emi.

_**XOXOXOXOXOXO**_

"Jinta look!" She yelled and pointed before them.

He turned back to see the fur ball of terror running in a circle only stopping to bark in the sky where it's caretaker disappeared into, he yelled, more relieved than angry, "T-there goes that mutt!"

Before he moved to get it Ururu beat him to it, walking back snuggling her face in the fur of the pup, "Don't do that ever again," she smiled gently chastising the small dog while cuddling her face against it.

The dog licked her tears while Jinta, reluctant to smile, petted behind its ear, "Yeah…Ururu wouldn't shut up if you didn't return back,"

"Oh?" Urahara stepped out, a huge grin plastered across his face, "I see you found our Emi!"

The dog wagged its tail more vigorously, panting and barking at the sky still until he grabbed her from Ururu, snuggling his face in her fur as well, "We can't have you running off like that. You'll break our hearts," he smiled as she licked his face.

* * *

**Irah's Note**: From reading my past chapters I have to say WOW I need to rewrite the whole thing all over again. I'm kind of embaressed in some chapters since you know =/ lol. I hope you enjoyed this little bit though. Tell me what you liked/disliked you know the whole nine yards.


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